See ya later, 22

If I had to assign a word to the year 2022, it would probably be chaotic.

It’s been a long year. In a lot of ways, 2022 has been good to me.

It brought me my baby. It brought me 9 months of sobriety. My marriage got stronger, my friendships got closer, and I think I began working through some things that I haven’t been able to in the past.

But 2022 was also hard. I was pregnant and going through a lot of health issues and scares. My kids struggled with their genetic disorder, and we found out the baby also shared this genetic disorder with us. There’s been a lot of sickness and hospital stays. Doctor appointments and questions and unknowns.

2022 was in no way the worst year of my life. In many ways, I think it was actually pretty okay.

My relationship with my therapist improved this year, I think I was able to actually make a little bit of progress, and even though I still haven’t been able to successfully do EMDR, I think I’m maybe getting closer to being able to. I hope.

Honestly, 2022 was a strange and challenging year. I made a lot of new friends blogging and through the WordPress community. Those friendships mean a lot to me and have been a big part of my life.

I also lost a close friend a this year. And I think about her a lot. We’ve shared a lot of struggles and have been a support to each other for a few years. But she chose to end her struggle and her fight. Something I’ve thought about and attempted a few times myself. I miss her a lot and think about her often. She hasn’t been, and won’t be, forgotten.

Some weird and bad things happened to me this year. A lot of it that I haven’t been able to put into words or talk about yet. I’ve had to put up with a lot of bullshit and take a lot of abuse from people.

I spent the majority of this year sober. And I think that I did grow a lot this year. I think I was more patient, more forgiving, and more gentle. At least…I’m trying to be. I’m certainly not perfect, and this year hasn’t been perfect, but I’m doing my best.

I also stayed clean from self harm this year. Something that was made easier, I’m sure, due to drinking less.

I came a long way in 2022 as compared to 2020 or 2021. And I do think a lot of that is because I was sober. Right now my drinking is back on pace with what it was before I got pregnant. And that’s something that does scare me a lot. I know drinking at this level will probably ruin my life and destroy the relationships I’ve worked so hard to build.

I have no idea what the year 2023 will bring, but I hope I keep growing on a linear path and don’t fall apart. This next year has a lot of potential to change me. Either for the good or for the bad. Only time will tell.

2022 is ending in a bad way. My mom is awaiting a biopsy to see if she has cancer, my 2 month old baby was hospitalized with RSV, and my other 2 boys can’t seem to catch a break from being sick. It’s been exhausting and I’ve been extremely sleep deprived.

If 2023 brings nothing else, I hope it brings more rest.

2022 was hard and exhausting in so many ways. There needs to be more time for me next year. More time for rest and recovery and self care. I know I can’t keep going at the rate that I’m going, and I’m worried that soon I’ll crash.

I’m not sorry to see 2022 go. I’m grateful for it and for this year bringing me my baby. I’m so glad that he’s here.

But I’m ready for more. I’m ready for better.

2022 was hard.

I’m ready to say goodbye to it.