Not ready for Monday

Well, I don’t know about you, but that weekend certainly did not feel long enough to me. All night long, in my half sleep state, I kept thinking it was still the weekend, and that I wasn’t about to wake up to a Monday.

But still, Monday came, and here we are.

This morning started off pretty rough with my dad screaming my name calling me into my parents room. My mom, who just had surgery to remove the tumors from her breast cancer, passed out in the shower and needed my help. She passed out multiple times and we almost called 911, but we got her to a safe place and she started to recover. This all happened within the past 20 minutes, so I’m still a little shaken. She seems ok, but we’re going to keep an extra close eye on her today. We’re just glad she didn’t fall and hit her head and that my dad was close by when it happened.

I have therapy tonight and I’m kind of nervous. I had a rough week and I haven’t really talked to anyone about it. I started shutting down and pulling back and being less open about things than I previously was. Not that I want that, I just really don’t want to bother anyone. So sometimes I think it’s better if I just struggle silently.

Yesterday went okay. It was a pretty normal day and my husband and I had a good day and good night together. So I’m relieved about that, because I know I was feeling a little bit nervous about it. Parenting is hard, but it’s even harder when all 3 of your children have complex medical needs. It’s exhausting, and most of the time we agree and work really well together. But those moments when we don’t…they can suck.

Today, all 3 boys are going to travel 2 hours away for their big Neuromuscular doctor appointment that we go to twice a year. She is the main doctor in charge of their care and we are so glad to have her. She was the one who diagnosed us when no one else had a clue. (Myofibrillar Myopathy type 6)

So we’ll spend Valentine’s Day in a car and hospital. I don’t care about that too much, but I am nervous about the appointment. It’s always kind of heartbreaking.

I’m not ready for my husband to leave for work this morning. I’m not ready to face the day or the week.

But I’m going to get through it and I’m going to make it the best day that it can be.

I’m hoping that therapy goes well tonight, because I really, really need it to. I need someone on my side. Sometimes it feels like the only 2 hours a week that I have to be…I don’t know. Broken in a safe place, maybe. Hopefully I can find the strength to be honest about things tonight.

Again, I’ll leave you with a picture of my favorite 16 week old boy. He makes me smile, and he’s the reason that the fight is worth it.