Thriving and surviving. 8 years later.

8 years ago, I said yes to my best friend. And he said yes to me.

One week ago today, the thought of seeing our 8th anniversary together was threatened, when a deer ran through his drivers side window and severely injured him.

This year has been hell for us. We’ve had a lot thrown at us. Medical challenges, raising 3 special needs kids, going to the NIH for testing and research and all of that…topping it off with a completely freak accident where a deer ran through his freaking car.

I feel like life can easily be defined into a before and after. There doesn’t have to necessarily be just one “before and after”…I know for myself, I have a few. My birth son. My first surgeries. When we got a diagnosis. Those all have before and afters.

This is another one. A significant one. Before he nearly died, and after. For me, it feels like that. I don’t know if he feels the same way, I haven’t asked.

When we got married and were saying our vows, he emphasized “in sickness AND in health”. Indicating that he knew when he married me, that the picture perfect idea of health was not part of the equation. Little did he know.

Little did we all know.

Last week was one of the worst ones of my life. It was honestly terrifying. And I still feel like I can’t go into detail about how I felt, and still feel, about it all.

It feels like a place too vulnerable to talk about. Or think about.

This was one of our first pictures together after the “after”. It…felt significant. The angle doesn’t do justice what his face looked, looks, like. It’s not the best. It’s awkward and strange and…real. And my face says it all. I’m still afraid to be near him. To hurt him. Or even to look at me. It just…hurts.

Maybe today we can try again and take one that’s a little less…..defining. A little bit less “before and after”. I can’t explain why, but it just felt….it felt like something.

We made it 8 years. 8 freaking years. Is that a long time? Compared to 50? No. But relative to our lives, not even being 30 years old yet? I’d say so.

My marriage is something I prioritize. In fact, it’s THE thing I prioritize first and foremost, before any and everything else.

It’s not always perfect. We’re not always perfect.

But we continue to choose each other. At the end of the day, we prioritize our relationship.

I’m happy he’s here. I’m happy he’s mine.

And I’m looking forward to the next however many years I get to spend with him.