Not too long ago, I spent my days drinking and looking up rehabs. How’s that for a great first line to a post? It’s true though. I was at the point where I had gotten myself so physically addicted to alcohol that I thought, and I wasn’t wrong, that I would actually die if I […]
When you pull yourself out of the trenches Read More »
I have had a shitty beyond shitty weekend. What started out with the slaughter of 12 of my chickens due to predators on early Saturday morning led to a day of things that I did not want to do, which then led to tension between my husband and I. Which then led to some tension
“Love or alcohol, but not neither” Read More »
So, I did something kind of cool (for me, anyway)…I reached out and asked for help. Look, I don’t know if this is one of those “big deal” things, and we all know that I hate labels here. But I’m also honest. And even when it’s hard, I have to be honest with myself. Part
Small steps toward growth…hopefully Read More »
It’s Sunday night, and for what seems like no reason at all, I’m sitting here suffering through relentless anxiety. There’s really no good reason for it. It was a good weekend, my husband was actually in a good mood (as opposed to feeling stressed and overwhelmed at times) and didn’t make me feel anything less
The beast doesn’t sleep forever Read More »
Do I wish I had more support when it came to my clearly non vanishing alcohol addiction? Yes, I do. Do I wish I could go to AA, or find any other kind of support? Yes, of course I do. But I can’t. I’m too afraid to. Too anxious, too nervous…too weak. Yes, I need
We all need more support sometimes Read More »
Year 28. Much like last year, coming into my 28th year looks a lot different than I thought it would. Year 27 was…..brutal. It was probably one of the worst years to date. And trust me, I’ve had a lot of bad years. Like many years throughout my life, the beginning of last year started
It’s the last few hours of my 27th year alive. To be honest, a birthday is just another day on the calendar, a position in space and time…nothing to make a big deal of. Unless, of course, you choose to. I always sarcastically make a big deal out of my birthday. When you’re the youngest
Starting a new year off sober Read More »
Here’s something I haven’t gone on record and said much over the past few months: therapy actually went really well last night. I wish I knew the difference, I wish I knew what caused the good vs the less than good sessions…but since I don’t, I’ll just accept it as they come and be appreciative
When therapy goes…just right. Read More »
While not the intention, that was the result. When my husband and I decided to try for our 3rd (my 4th) baby, we knew things would have to change. I’d have to be sober. Totally and completely. From day 1. Something that I haven’t been in over 3 years, and even then, only ever interrupted
Another “save me from myself” baby Read More »
I’m struggling tonight, as I knew I would. With nightfall comes the dark thoughts, and with that comes the intense desire to drink. I’ve been distracting myself from it for hours now. Writing, watching shows, reading…but the more I fight it, the louder the voices get. But that’s not who I want to be. How
When the night gets dark. Read More »
