Yesterday felt…pretty much exactly like I expected it to feel. Just…pretty gross and pretty lonely. I’m struggling, but in ways that feel unexpected. I’m honestly struggling just to like, do the normal human being things. Like folding laundry. Or shaving my legs. Or eating a meal. And don’t even get me started on trying to […]
I have a very different relationship with this Monday that I typically do with Monday’s. Usually, Monday is one of my preferred days of the week. But today, I freaking hate it. I guess I just don’t have therapy. Which…sucks. A lot. There was nothing scheduled, no reminder text, nothing. I don’t know if I’m
Just like that, all the “anger” fell way to massive self loathing and a pretty horrific depression. The dam broke, and all of the tape and glue holding me together for the past week just… came undone. And I realized that everything I’ve always thought about myself is exactly as true as I thought it
True emotions show eventually Read More »
Imagine having anxiety, but doing it anyway. Imagine being afraid, but doing it anyway. Can you picture it? All of the fear, all of the worry, all of the pain and anxiety and all of the other…. And doing it anyway? Can you imagine the freedom that must feel like? Doing it anyway. I don’t
Imagine if you did it anyway Read More »
There is no one in the world you can count on. No one you can trust. You work for so hard, for so long, all in the name of learning how to trust. How to feel safe. Secure. How to feel okay. And for what? To be proved right time and time again. People leave.
There’s a certain desperate loneliness that being in the hospital has to offer. It feels so dark and gloomy and isolating. It seems like I hit this wall with every hospital stay. Around the third day I just feel so…alone. It feels like the entire world suddenly weighs a billion pounds more, and it’s all
A heavy, lonely burden Read More »
Some days will be just like today. Where the bad just piles on. Nothing good about it. Just…crisis after crisis. Fire after fire. That’s what today has been. Questions followed by more questions, uncertainties followed by anxieties. Today was not easy. From the moment I woke up until the very end of it. Nothing went
Fear looks and feels a lot different for everyone. Sometimes it’s manageable, sometimes it overtakes you and paralyzes you, it doesn’t always make sense, or it’s there to keep you safe. For me, I live in fear for my kids and their health. Since me and my 3 boys share a rather devastating and largely
Fighting through the fears Read More »
I’m definitely in a bit of a rut right now. I feel like ever since Monday I’m just a certain type of off that I just can’t shake. And it isn’t a feeling that I love. I’m trying to shake it off and not let it get me down, but I’m telling you, I just
In a rut, but pushing forward anyway Read More »
I’m being avoidant. I can feel it. There are always those small little tells, the little things I do when I’m becoming avoidant, that I can either pick up on and act on, or continue to ignore. Avoiding people, avoiding meaningful conversation, avoiding completing tasks that need completing, avoiding responsibilities…it all just grows on itself
Taming the untamable: depression. Read More »
