The old me is making a strong push to become the new me, once again. I don’t know how I feel about it. Well, that’s not true. I do know how I feel about it. But I feel very differently about it, depending on what time of day I were to ask myself. I recognize […]
Today was awful. For every single reason. My heart does t have it in me to go into any kind of detail. But… Tornados. Flash floods. Horrible anxiety provoking weather…that continues to tomorrow late afternoon. And that was honestly just the welcomed distraction. My birth son turned 11 years old today. It was an awful
I feel like I’m caught in between two realities I don’t quite fit into anymore. Two worlds I have no business being a part of. An old and a new. A past and a future. And I’m not sure I belong on either side. The anxiety tonight is intense. The physical pain of the withdrawals
This is a hard season, I’m not going to lie. My mind has been messy for a minute now, the trauma of the past year, and really all of it in general, is catching up to me. I’ve been holding on, fighting a winless fight for a long time now. This time of year isn’t
Losing battles, winning wars Read More »
Lately, the hurt hurts. And it hurts really fucking badly. I feel like I don’t have even the most fleeting of moments to catch my breath. To catch up. To…..nullify or lessen even an ounce of the hurt. The days are so long, and the nights have felt even longer. Nightmare, after nightmare, after nightmare.
I just need a second Read More »
My lovely brain is such a beautiful mess. A creative, captivating space, craving to be engaged, longing for meaning, connection…substance. Substance in the form of something meaningful. Something that means something. More than the surface level interaction. A way to connect. A way to engage. Connect my messy but uniquely beautiful brain waves to yours.
The path to connection Read More »
It’s nights like these….where the day was a little bit too long. The triggers were a little bit too triggering. And the thoughts are a little bit too heavy. You’re doing your best…but you know you’re failing. Honesty has been a bit of a struggle for me here lately. Possibly because I’m fighting so hard,
When you want to reach out….but you don’t know how Read More »
I’ve tried to be…stable at best…when it comes to alcohol lately. And for the most part, I’ve succeeded. Keeping it stable. Not increasing. Not allowing the negative emotions or demons or life circumstances to influence my nighttime decision making process. And honestly, the past few months or so? I’ve been killing it. But. But. Something
Awakening the beast Read More »
Dear the most honest version of me, Hello there, a version of myself that I don’t yet quite recognize. I have to wonder…have we ever met yet? Are you a version of me that I’ve seen before? That I’ve met and lost along the way…? Or have I simply yet to ever encounter you yet?
The me I want to be Read More »
Why? Why struggle when the outcome I so desperately want seems so far fetched, so far away? Why fight when the fight seems so freaking impossible to win? What are we doing here? Seriously, what are we doing here?! Let’s talk about it. Yes. We’re fighting. We’re fighting like hell. We want to win. We
Let’s talk about it Read More »
