Another morning met with contempt. For myself, for how I feel, for both my bold choice of words lately, and yet still the filter they live behind. Tonight is Monday, which means it’s therapy night. And I have to tell you, I’m definitely feeling some type of way about it. I’m feeling on edge. And […]
Proceed with honesty Read More »
Darkness Last night was dark. Literally, figuratively, emotionally…it was all just darkness. Therapy was hard and weird as shit. I went in, all fake happy and pretending to be okay, when I knew I very clearly was anything but. I told her that my brain felt like shit and uncooperative. I tried to shut it
Darkness and Storms Read More »
Don’t think, don’t block it out, don’t edit it or filter it. Just let it out. I have SO much running through my head lately that it hurts. I have so many thoughts that mean something, but then they just get lost halfway through and all tangled up and I can’t isolate anything anymore. My
A brain like a bowl of noodles, and slowing down to reconnect. Read More »
It has been one fire after another these past few days. And it’s taken every ounce of strength I have to get through it. But I’m here. I’m breathing. I’m surviving. Monday night was therapy. But Sunday, as you may know, was an absolute complete shit show. I didn’t want to go to therapy, not
Here, breathing, surviving. Read More »
Trauma. Therapy. Emdr. Healing. Trust. These are all words used with great frequency in my life. All things I’m working on and living with. If you’ve been here for a while, like….years…you’ll know that I’ve tried, and failed epically, using emdr to heal from trauma. A lot of trauma. If you don’t know, emdr is
I’m just right. Just the right amount of broken. Just the right amount of fucked up. I’m just the right amount of imperfect. Of forgiving, of working towards the better. I’m just the right amount of holding on…and I’m just the right amount of letting go. Or, at least…I’m trying to be. I’m not who
I can think of few things that needed to happen as much as last night in therapy needed to happen. In case you’re new here, the only bit of context you might need is that my therapist and I have been working together for a loooong time. Like, 9-10 years. Every week. Sometimes twice a
Okay, therapist. I’ll let you in. Read More »
Sometimes, things get bad enough that you can’t ignore it anymore. You see the red flags, you know they’re coming…but are you strong enough (or smart enough) to stop it? I feel like I’m marching amongst a parade of red flags, laughing silently behind their backs that they won’t catch me. They won’t drag me
The back of my phone case boldly states that Healing is not linear. And no, it is not. Nothing about trauma or pain or past awful experiences fades quietly or easily into the background. Everyone deals with things differently, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to healing, or the timeline that
Healing isn’t linear Read More »
Sometimes, life knocks you down. Over and over and OVER again. You try to get up, but it just keeps shoving you down. It’s relentless. Eventually, the blows stop. Or…they at least cease fire long enough for you to uncover your eyes and look around, stand up, and try again. So you pick yourself up.
Rebuilding, but untrusting Read More »
