I don’t know why I so often downplay things. I try to act like things are better than they are, that I feel better than I really do…that I’m okay. But more often than not, I’m not so okay. I don’t know why I, and I think a lot of us, feel the need to […]
Vulnerability. A seemingly forever ongoing topic. How to be real, how to feel, how to show feeling. Our conversations are often led with sarcasm at the forefront, my most famous defense. Feeling has never been safe, and talking about feelings had always led to danger for me. Tonight was easy. It wasn’t significant (except it
An exercise in vulnerability Read More »
When you write, which tends to happen first for you? Do you have a title of your post in your head, and from there the post writes itself? Or do you start with more of a formed thought and give it a title afterwards? For me, it’s a little of both. This post, for example,
What comes first, the title or the content? Read More »
Hello anxiety. Today you took root and didn’t let go. A simple (permanent) change in my schedule was enough to cause physical panic. Tomorrow begins a new therapy schedule, Friday mornings (and Tuesday evenings), but it threw me off more than I’d care to admit. I was short tempered, I was panicked, I was feeling
Sometimes I wish that everything would just stop. Just for a minute, long enough to catch my breath, to catch up. It seems like there is always something to do, and I just don’t have time to get it all done myself. Between our schedule, the hours of therapies every day, parenting in general…sometimes I
When the laundry (literally) piles up Read More »
My therapist rarely asks me to do anything outside of session, but when she does, it usually involves writing. Yesterday during my session, we were talking about EMDR and how when we tried it a few weeks ago, my brain fought it so hard that we pretty much got nowhere. We haven’t tried it again
“Why do you go to therapy?” Read More »
Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. On occasion I feel heavy, I feel sad and I just feel withdrawn, but I just don’t know what to say about it, or how to. I usually do have the words, I’m pretty well versed in understanding myself and understand where what I’m feeling stems from,
When you have the pain, but not the words Read More »
Often times in my life, the harder things get, the more I pull back. It can feel like I don’t know what to say, or that I don’t know how to say it, so I just don’t. I withdraw, even from myself. I get into this rut, and it’s so hard to crawl out of.
When writing is hard, keep writing Read More »
It’s not a secret that I’m struggling. I feel completely alone and vulnerable and just crappy. Last night was rough. My husband had anxieties that I could feel, but he didn’t communicate them with me until after I was already affected by it. He later did, but the fact that he lied about it in
Late at night, after admittedly too many drinks…I feel everything. I feel everything I’m afraid to feel during the day. I feel what I hide, what I shut down, what I convince myself just isn’t worth feeling. But it’s there. And it is worth feeling. It demands to be felt. It resurfaces constantly. Every single
Do nights bring out the worst in me? Or are they just more honest? Read More »
