The cool thing about me is that I never give up. Actually, I might even take that a little too far sometimes, but that’s okay. Things can be bad, I can get beaten down by life, by the world, by whatever. There are certainly bumps and bruises along the way, but I always keep going. […]
Tonight, I’ll drink to forget. I’ll drink so I can forget this feeling, this self loathing for not being enough. For not doing a good enough job. I’ll drink to forget how I failed, how I feel like I’m constantly letting you down. I’ll drink to drown out the internal screaming voices of hatred that
I am not a person that likes to feel things, show emotion, let my guard down…any of that good stuff. Admittedly, it hasn’t proven to be the best method, but I’m working with what I’ve got. My life experiences have left me pretty hardened and cynical, but that doesn’t always serve me. For example, as
Vulnerability in therapy Read More »
Last week, something happened. I’m still not sure what to call it, how to classify if, but for arguments sake, let’s say it falls under the category of sexual assault. But I really don’t want to talk about it. That’s a lie, I desperately want to talk about it. But wanting to and knowing how
Permission to feel Read More »
Some nights feel too heavy. Some nights feel to dark, too lonely. It’s not the nights that are the sole problem. The nights are a reflection of the days. Rarely in my life have I felt as I did this week, these past few weeks. I don’t want this, the burden, the loneliness. Sometimes I
When you just need a hug Read More »
Year 27. A year I’d never thought I’d make it to. To be honest, I’m surprised every year when I turn a year older. It just always feels like an accomplishment, like I survived once again despite the odds being stacked against me. Year 26 was brutal. Most of it life circumstances, some of it
No matter how much I want to, I’ll never be able to speak the words that my head is screaming. I’ll always be a disappointment. Burdened to carry the weight of the world myself. I need to get this away from me. I need to share the weight of it. This is crushing me, and
Today begins a new journey that I’m not sure I’m ready for, not sure I ever will be ready for. By now, I’m sure you’ve learned a few things about me. I have a significant amount of trauma and unresolved pain in my life. My childhood wasn’t a walk in the park, I’ve been in
Today begins a New Journey Read More »
I couldn’t talk about it. I don’t know how to. I can answer questions, but even that is clumsy and hesitant. I don’t know which way to go here. This isn’t something that’s going to go away. This isn’t a person that I can avoid. My go to response is to ignore and avoid. This
I have a bad feeling about tonight. All day I’ve felt a certain sense of disconnect. Alone, isolated, panicked. It will be a night of bad choices, I can feel it from now. I could feel it brewing since last night. Drinking feels like the only way to ease this anxiety. I need love, a
Feeling disconnected Read More »
