I don’t have anything poetic or productive to say today other than how I feel. I’m still feeling pretty crappy from the other day. The weight of the world has caught up to me, I guess. And I’m just feeling rather alone and broken. I literally feel heavy. Like even the most simple tasks are […]
When a sign isn’t really a sign, but maybe it is? Read More »
Therapy was a mess last night. It was absolutely shit from literally the moment I walked in until I left. I hate myself. I’m frustrated and I feel like crap. I was wrong to think she cared. I was wrong to have hope. Usually I know better than to be this stupid. To allow myself
Last night in therapy we were trying to get more into EMDR and I guess do all the state change things. Apparently that should only take like 20 minutes to get through, but I guess it took me over and hour. And I still fucked it up. I’m more than a little bit frustrated with
Apparently I still suck at EMDR Read More »
I’ve always been a writer. Even going as far back as elementary school, I’ve always gravitated towards writing to communicate my feelings. I had…a rather intense childhood, and it’s not something I like to think about or relive. Since we’re going to be starting EMDR in therapy soon…I’m kind of going to be forced to
Reconnecting with my past Read More »
It’s been 6 years now that you’ve been putting up with my shit. 6 years of you hanging in there with me. Of having my back…through the worst of times. And trust me…there have been a multitude of bad times. I’ve suggested, thought, accused, implied…whatever word you want to insert…you of not caring more times
Dear therapist, thanks for caring. Read More »
When I went to therapy on Friday it was definitely….productive. Even though it was only an hour (as opposed to 2 hours which they often are), we got a little bit done. A few months ago, we tried doing EMDR to get through some of my trauma and to help with drinking less and all
Another attempt at EMDR Read More »
I feel like I’m losing my voice. I’m struggling with what to say, what to write, or even what to feel. I feel so broken and useless. I’m pushing people away and shutting down. It’s the worst place to be in. I hate this feeling..the feeling of losing my voice and my identity. The only
It’s hard to live in a contradictory world. Parts of it will cheer you on, agree with your stance and viewpoint. While others will surely massacre you for it. How dare you think that way, how dare you act that way. You’ll never be able to win in a world that wants you to lose.
Contradictory world Read More »
Dear nightmares…… Tonight, you will not get me. I feel you, I see you creeping up from the shadows. You’ve been the forefront of my existence for too long now. Your content has been all to real…nothing short of a horror moving featuring my real life. Tonight, I won’t let the fear of you drink
Strength. What is is? Where does it come from? How can I find some? Tomorrow, I have therapy. And I’ll have to somehow find the strength to talk about the most impossible topic. I haven’t written about it yet, for some pretty obvious reasons…..but I will soon. This is one of the rare things that
