The world is loud right now. It’s screaming and chaos and thunder. Nothing is easy. Nothing makes sense. Foreign is the only familiar thing. And if that sentence makes no damn sense to you, then you’re reading it exactly right. I don’t know how to make sense of my ever changing, loud, chaotic and fucked […]
Loud, chaotic, unpredictable Read More »
Depression sucks. That’s the phrase circling my brain pretty aggressively right now. This depression is loud as fuck, and it feels pretty heavy and here to stay. The past 3 days have been filled with a lot of hurt. A lot of pushing people away. A lot of anger and fear and…depression. A lot of
When the depression gets too loud Read More »
Well, it happened. Last night was the epic and ultimate crash and burn that I usually anticipate happening after a retreat. We lovingly call them “retreat hangovers” because that’s basically what it is. Yesterday in it of itself was triggering. I finally bit the bullet and, with the help of some of my friends, emailed
Keep going, keep going, keep going. Read More »
Buckle up friends, things are about to get even more spicy around here. If you’ve been hanging around here for any length of time, you know that there are a small number of things that have a pretty significant impact on my mental health. The first and most important factor being the strength of my
What, you thought it couldn’t get any spicier? Read More »
I still don’t really know what I’m feeling. Or, maybe it’s not that I don’t know what I’m feeling, and more that I know exactly how I’m feeling…and I just don’t want to feel this way. Or that I think I shouldn’t. Or that I don’t want to feel this way. I’m having more trouble
Uncomfortable feelings Read More »
Confidence is fleeting. Nothing more than a moment trying to convince you of your successes. Your potential successes. It’s great, it feels amazing…it makes you feel like you actually can do it. Confidence is the ingredient most integral to success. It really is. Until it’s gone. Until you’re triggered, until there’s nothing left. Drink significantly
Nightmares are a common theme of my existence around here. A night without nightmares just doesn’t happen. Some periods of time are worse than others, but I can never fully escape their wrath. When I was growing up, I had recurring nightmares with some pretty dark themes. In adulthood, I’ve had periods of time with
Nightmares end where safety begins Read More »
Wow. Well, I can say with complete certainty that therapy last night was absolute shit. Just…one of those bad night kind of nights. To be honest, it was halfway doomed for failure before we really even got started. Before anything was said, she let me know that we wouldn’t be having a session next week
Freedom is…well, it’s just that. It’s…the sense of being free. Literally defined as “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.” I don’t feel like I’m in a state of being free. I don’t feel as if I have the right to act, speak or think as
Don’t think, don’t block it out, don’t edit it or filter it. Just let it out. I have SO much running through my head lately that it hurts. I have so many thoughts that mean something, but then they just get lost halfway through and all tangled up and I can’t isolate anything anymore. My
A brain like a bowl of noodles, and slowing down to reconnect. Read More »
