My lovely brain is such a beautiful mess. A creative, captivating space, craving to be engaged, longing for meaning, connection…substance. Substance in the form of something meaningful. Something that means something. More than the surface level interaction. A way to connect. A way to engage. Connect my messy but uniquely beautiful brain waves to yours. […]
The path to connection Read More »
It’s nights like these….where the day was a little bit too long. The triggers were a little bit too triggering. And the thoughts are a little bit too heavy. You’re doing your best…but you know you’re failing. Honesty has been a bit of a struggle for me here lately. Possibly because I’m fighting so hard,
When you want to reach out….but you don’t know how Read More »
I’ve tried to be…stable at best…when it comes to alcohol lately. And for the most part, I’ve succeeded. Keeping it stable. Not increasing. Not allowing the negative emotions or demons or life circumstances to influence my nighttime decision making process. And honestly, the past few months or so? I’ve been killing it. But. But. Something
Awakening the beast Read More »
Dear the most honest version of me, Hello there, a version of myself that I don’t yet quite recognize. I have to wonder…have we ever met yet? Are you a version of me that I’ve seen before? That I’ve met and lost along the way…? Or have I simply yet to ever encounter you yet?
The me I want to be Read More »
Tonight has been one trigger after another, after another. It doesn’t matter what the fuck the cause was. Or the result, or the aftermath. Or even the aftermath of the aftermath. Because it was all wrong. And it was all fucked up. Be it the events of the week (my appointment with my neuromuscular doc
Dear depression, First of all, get the FUCK out of here. You’re nothing but a liar, a thief, and a critic. When you’re here, it doesn’t matter what else exists. What, you’re gonna tell me that my life isn’t worth it? That my life isn’t worth living? That I’m not worth fighting for? Bitch, get
Sunday vibes hit so much harder now. I used to have a reason to look forward to the end of a Sunday. Sure, it meant the end of the weekend, but it led to a Monday. And Mondays used to hold hope for me. Mondays meant therapy, meant hope, meant support, meant a safe space
I still don’t really know what I’m feeling. Or, maybe it’s not that I don’t know what I’m feeling, and more that I know exactly how I’m feeling…and I just don’t want to feel this way. Or that I think I shouldn’t. Or that I don’t want to feel this way. I’m having more trouble
Uncomfortable feelings Read More »
I’m being avoidant. I can feel it. There are always those small little tells, the little things I do when I’m becoming avoidant, that I can either pick up on and act on, or continue to ignore. Avoiding people, avoiding meaningful conversation, avoiding completing tasks that need completing, avoiding responsibilities…it all just grows on itself
Taming the untamable: depression. Read More »
I’m honestly lost for words right now. My post is 13 hours later than it should be. Than I’d like it to be. All I can think about are song lyrics. Specifically the ones blasted at egregious volumes last night on my drive home from therapy. Which, if you’re wondering, did not go well. I
Doing your best while you die inside… Read More »
