Here way are, on the 3rd day of a brand new year. A year which, according to THE DIME I got in my piece of New Years cake I got, should be my luckiest year yet. (And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, second half of this post from last year describes the […]
…in with the good? Read More »
2024, what can I say. You’ve been, by far, easily, without a doubt, the WORST year of my life. And as glad as I was to see you come, oh BOY am I ready to see you go. This chapter, this year, has been complete and utter bullshit. With every single member of my family
Dear son, Today, you’ll finally get the gift I sent you in the mail for Christmas. Despite my own timeliness, USPS had other prerogatives, and your “guaranteed” Christmas Eve arrival is only just getting to you today…on the 30th. I’m truly so sorry about the delay, I hoped to have it there as promised…by Christmas.
Dear anything, While I don’t know exactly what I need from you right now, I do know that it’s something. Anything. I need anything to keep going. An ounce of hope. A reason to believe things will be okay… An iota of stress being taken off my plate. Things are only getting more and more
I feel like I’m in a helpless battle right now. A fight that I cannot win. And despite my own best efforts and incredible fight against these demons, I’m not coming out on top. Fear is winning. Insecurity is winning. Addiction is winning. I don’t know exactly what the most defining shift was, but I
The entire year of 2024 has honestly been some bullshit. There has been just…unimaginable loss. Over and over and over. But this past month probably takes the cake. Putting my dog down after spending the last 17 years of my life with her was absolutely awful. It was heartbreaking in ways that you just can’t
The grief is loud, so I am quiet Read More »
On Monday afternoon, I said goodbye to my therapist of 10 years. That was fucking brutal. Last night, I met a new therapist for the first time and tried to see if it would be a good fit. This morning, at 9am, I have to drive Casey, my 17 year old dog, to the vet
Goodbye, hello, goodbye, hello. Read More »
Well, we’re here. The day I’ve been dreading for, really I guess about 10 years now. Later this morning, I am going to see my therapist for the last time. I reached out last week and asked if I could come in today (I was “allowed” 2 more appointments). ——— Honestly, as I started writing
Yesterday, Atlas turned 2 years old. And while normally birthdays hold a really heavy weight for me personally, the simultaneous joy and grief that comes with birthdays was vastly overshadowed by another kind of grief yesterday altogether. Casey, my best girl doggo ever (a Havanese), turned 17 on October 11th. But yesterday morning she had
Waiting for the end Read More »
Depression sucks. That’s the phrase circling my brain pretty aggressively right now. This depression is loud as fuck, and it feels pretty heavy and here to stay. The past 3 days have been filled with a lot of hurt. A lot of pushing people away. A lot of anger and fear and…depression. A lot of
When the depression gets too loud Read More »
