Loss. It’s the only thing that we really can’t convince ourselves doesn’t exist, that it isn’t real. Pain can be subjective. We can downplay it, ignore it, tell ourselves that “its not that bad”, or even “well, maybe it just didn’t even happen”. We can doubt our feelings, our experiences, or listen to the words […]
I didn’t want to write today, well, honestly, because quite a lot has been going on. And I just don’t even know how or where to start with it all. Last night was a night. And not a good one. But today is Halloween, aka my kids Favorite day. So I really wanted to focus
Why can’t I stop thinking about you? Read More »
Hello there, the angel from my nightmareThe shadow in the background of the morgueThe unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valleyWe can live like Jack and Sally if we wantWhere you can always find meAnd we’ll have Halloween on ChristmasAnd in the night we’ll wish this never endsWe’ll wish this never ends…. Sometimes the only
Turn the chaos down and the music up Read More »
What if it just stopped? All the pain, all the anger, all the unfairness…what if it just went away? Lately I look around and despite how hard I’m trying, all I can see is darkness and pain. I’m frustrated and hurt. Nothing is really “wrong”, except that it is. I can’t feel loved, despite being
Dear #1, Tonight is not a special night. It’s not a birthday, not an anniversary, not a momentous night by any means. But it is you who occupies my mind tonight. To be honest, you occupy my mind nearly always. But I don’t often allow the thoughts of you to grow. Thinking of you causes
Covid has stolen a lot from all of us. Directly or indirectly, it’s messed with all of our lives. In an enormous way. A few weeks ago, someone close to me lost their husband to it. One of my best friends is now struggling and fighting for her life because of it. She is in
Today was relatively okay…until it really just wasn’t. It very quickly turned from a typical, average Sunday, to an “oh shit, what is happening in my life right now and how do I make it stop” kind of day. I’ll spare you of the details, but honestly it feels like thats more to my benefit
Today was bad. Tonight is better? Read More »
My heart is heavy. A few days ago, driving home from therapy actually, I leaned that one of the (many) children I know, had died. Someone asked me “what happened?” Nothing happened. It was his time. He was on hospice, he was declining, but it hurts. I’m not his family…but I am within his community.
Your heart is bound to break when you live in the special needs world Read More »
I’ve been told “go home and enjoy them” more times than I can count. I’ve been told “there’s nothing we can do, we’ll know more as the disease progresses” over and over. My future, our future, is uncertain. I grieve the memories I will miss out on. Will they live long enough to really….live? Does
Missing out on memories Read More »
The therapists in my life, both mine and my kids, I consider to be an extension of our family. I’ve been with my therapist for 6 years, and all of our other therapists for my kids (PT, OT, speech, etc) have been in our lives for about 4 years now, since my oldest son started
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything Read More »