It has been one fire after another these past few days. And it’s taken every ounce of strength I have to get through it. But I’m here. I’m breathing. I’m surviving. Monday night was therapy. But Sunday, as you may know, was an absolute complete shit show. I didn’t want to go to therapy, not […]
Here, breathing, surviving. Read More »
I can’t even describe the shit show that yesterday turned into in ways that would make any kind of sense. Lack of communication was the root of it. Because it always is. Blood, anxiety and panic, and loneliness. That was the result. A lot of it. A lot of all of it. I feel like
Sometimes, things just get so bad that I shut down, even from myself. I know it seemed like things couldn’t possibly get worse…but I assure you, they did. The kind of worse where I hit some new lows that I haven’t hit in a few years. The kind of low that I’d describe as almost
Now don’t lose your fight, kid Read More »
What do you do when each day, you wonder if it might be your last? Things aren’t going great around here. I’m all kinds of fucked up, and I’m all kinds of shut down. I have 2 kinds of depression, or crisis mode, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. One where I
There is so little in my life that I have a say in. That I can influence. Or sway. Or…control. My life is…largely…out my of hands. People abusing you. Raping you. Hurting you. People thinking they can do whatever it is that they want to you. To hurt you. Because…I don’t matter. Only they do.
Control? Yeah, sure. Read More »
It’s been a rough 24 hours. And the later it gets into the night, the more I’m allowing myself to feel it. I was actually in the middle of writing my tomorrow post. A little behind the scenes for you, I like to have my posts for the day done by 8:30am at the latest.
Will you feed my depression with chocolate and coffee and hugs? Read More »
You know those nights that you can just…..predict where they’re going to go? Somewhere around 5pm today, that happened. I knew exactly where this night was going to go, and I asked my husband to help prevent that. Earlier in the day, he got frustrated with me. Me, already being sensitive, thought “oh great, he’s
When the feelings get way too intense Read More »
Today was a rough day. That’s okay, that happens sometimes. My body has not been feeling its best self physically, my emotions are all over the place… It’s just been rough. In more ways than one. It’s nights like these, where I’m feeling a little bit extra fragile, that I need to…..be careful of. I’m
Self medicating sucks. Until it doesn’t. And then it does again. Read More »
Even now, in the “best I’ve felt in years”, coming off a high of 2 vacations back to back, I’m struggling. Even now, after a day that wasn’t all bad. A day that had its moments of hope and promise…I’m struggling. Struggling means a lot of different things for me. Sometimes, it means the most
Even now…I’m struggling. Read More »
Tonight is hard. Today was hard. The last 2 weeks have been hard. Tonight might be the hardest. My husband and I got really bad news today. While multiple states and hours apart physically, we both got absolutely devastating news. I’m trying to lift him up. He’s trying to….idk. He feels badly. And wants desperately
60 seconds at a time Read More »
