self harm

Ma’am, take a step back please.

Well, I won’t lie, I’m really struggling today. I don’t know if it’s the effects of not having therapy this week, of it just being an incredibly long week, or just life catching up to me in general…. But I feel like complete shit. I think something really triggering happened this morning too, and although …

Ma’am, take a step back please. Read More »

I don’t want to do what’s hard, I want to do what feels good.

That’s the phrase going around in my head right now. Like a child throwing a tantrum. I don’t want to do what’s right, what’s hard…what’s “good”. I want to do what feels good. What feels good right now. Not next week, not next month, I want to feel good right now. I want what’s easy, …

I don’t want to do what’s hard, I want to do what feels good. Read More »

Done

I won’t relive the past. The present is torturous enough. The past holds too much pain. I refuse to combine the two. Accidental pressure leads to too much blood. I’m sorry. Emotional pain leads to more and more and more pain. Logic left behind, the lies of pain the only thing that remains. I upset …

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When the nights force you to feel the pain you desperately try to avoid…

This is currently the story of my life. Everything can be going…as fine as it can be, I guess, but then the same thing happens nearly every night during the rough phases. My husband wants to go to sleep. I usually agree, because I’m exhausted. But then I start procrastinating, avoiding it at all costs. …

When the nights force you to feel the pain you desperately try to avoid… Read More »

How do you talk about the hard things in therapy?

You’d think I’d be good at this “therapy” thing by now. Especially since I’ve been with my current therapist for something like 6 years now…which that in and of itself is nothing short of a miracle. I’ll never say enough good things about her, and she’s done a stellar job at keeping me alive. (Good …

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Dear Husband, I’m sorry for the past year.

I owe you an apology. Probably more than one. While you have certainly had your share of flaws and missteps along the way…this post is not about that. This past year…really the past 2 years now…have been the ugliest of my life. They’ve been brutal. You’ve seen the worst of me, you’ve picked me up …

Dear Husband, I’m sorry for the past year. Read More »