Today was awful. For every single reason. My heart does t have it in me to go into any kind of detail. But… Tornados. Flash floods. Horrible anxiety provoking weather…that continues to tomorrow late afternoon. And that was honestly just the welcomed distraction. My birth son turned 11 years old today. It was an awful […]
I hate today because of what tomorrow is. It already feels so heavy, the tidal wave of grief is already starting to flood in. Tomorrow is my birth son’s 11th birthday. A day that consumes me with grief and depression every single year. I don’t have a plan for tomorrow, I don’t know how I’m
The grief always comes Read More »
Dear son, Today, you’ll finally get the gift I sent you in the mail for Christmas. Despite my own timeliness, USPS had other prerogatives, and your “guaranteed” Christmas Eve arrival is only just getting to you today…on the 30th. I’m truly so sorry about the delay, I hoped to have it there as promised…by Christmas.
Today is March 1st. It’s been March 1st all day now. Actually, we’re less than 2 hours from March 2nd. For the past week and a half, every single time I’ve looked at my phone, it hasn’t been to check the time. It’s been to check the date. As if every moment I checked was
And now, it’s March…. Read More »
Did you know that the maximum volume of a 2023 Kia Carnival is only 45? And did you know, that in the throws of pretty extreme emotional distress, 45 is not nearly loud enough? Now, I’ve had some tough drives home from therapy. Drives when the music just HAS to be louder than the thoughts
All I can do is try. And keep trying. Read More »
Sometimes, you find yourself in a situation where there are truly just no right answers. Sure, there may be a slightly less wrong one? But really, given the choices, you wish you just didn’t have to choose at all. Because no matter what you do, you’ll feel like it was the wrong choice. (At the
Today is the last day of spring break here. And let me tell you, it has been a long week. My 6 year old will go back to school tomorrow, leaving me home with just my 4 year old and 5 month old. (Yes, he’s 5 months as of yesterday 😭). I will be glad
It’s good to have support Read More »
I feel so lost. So broken, so alone. I want to reach out, but I don’t know how, or to who, or what to say. Grief is the most underestimated feeling on the planet. It fucking shows up and destroys you, no matter what you do to mute it’s effect. I ignored it. I pretended
I have been struggling a lot these past few days. Laundry? That’s a hard nope. Drinking more alcohol, having darker thoughts, thinking about dying and self harm, even when I’m sober… Everything is hard. I don’t want to do anything. Like, at all. Letting the kids watch tv so they are quiet and not screaming
Depression is kicking my ass Read More »
Life has been an absolute whirlwind these past few weeks. My son starting school, my marriage being momentarily tumultuous, therapy being big and important and something I’m thinking about…just, like, having 3 kids in general… Yeah. I have more than enough on my plate to keep me busy and my mind occupied. However, something happened
Ignoring my feelings Read More »
