My day was…it wasn’t a good one. Actually, it was, until it just wasn’t anymore. Today was a rare day where we didn’t have anywhere to go. No therapies or appointments, no schedule to keep but my own. Everyone was in a good mood, a rarity by itself. But then it went downhill. One of […]
Bad days end where good nights begin Read More »
I’ve lived my life listening to the lies of others, which then turned into lies to myself. I’m not worth it. I’m a cancer. Nothing will ever be okay or better. This is just how it is, and I deserve it. I’m a failure, I ruin everything. I’ve been told I should die. Repeatedly. That
We are more than just the lies we tell ourselves. Read More »
Welcome to the week of Hope. (Sponsored by my therapists great ideas.) For the next few days, things will be…different. It’s homework, but I’m not allowed to be sarcastic about it. Shit, I think this means I’ve said too much. Hope is my favorite word. It’s my favorite feeling. I’ve written about it before, I’ve
You and I are living stories. We all are. Everyone has parts of their story that they don’t like, pages and chapters they wish they could erase. It becomes hard to live in the present, and we frequently try to go back. To relive the past, to do it over. But within that same story,
What if all of it matters? Read More »
This is currently the story of my life. Everything can be going…as fine as it can be, I guess, but then the same thing happens nearly every night during the rough phases. My husband wants to go to sleep. I usually agree, because I’m exhausted. But then I start procrastinating, avoiding it at all costs.
When the nights force you to feel the pain you desperately try to avoid… Read More »
I’m just here to say that tonight, I definitely didn’t fuck up therapy. And I am, in fact, proud of myself for it. I didn’t shut down, and I tried to stay present and …focused? Okay, well, I did spend quite a while procrastinating with stories about random events from the past few days…and then
When you DIDN’T mess up in therapy! Read More »
Tonight has been strange, for no other reason than being relatively unable to identify how I feel. I am unfortunately good at being introspective. Sometimes I think it’s simultaneously one of my biggest gifts and curses. I think anyone with a high level of introspection can agree with that sentiment. But, tonight is just weird.
Empty introspection Read More »
I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to write about it, and I don’t want to think about it. But I guess I’m going to have to. Last night was awful. I’m a pretty private person. I don’t share my struggles or emotions (other than writing or blogging about it here). But
I didn’t mean to ruin it Read More »
Therapy was fine. It was good. I almost felt things. The issue came when a half hour before it was over, my husband texted me. He had a headache before I left, but it was small. 2 hours later, it had developed into “severe”. We all know what that means. My worst nights are the
She told me not to write, so I’m not going to. Read More »
You’d think after ALL of the years I’ve been in therapy, I’d be a bit better at talking by now. But once again, I’m blantanly reminded that it is by no means my strong suit. In therapy, over the past few weeks, we’ve been working a bit more specifically on saying certain things out loud…but
If talking is hard, keep writing Read More »
