Everything hurts, and I’m struggling to hang on. I’ll try not to think about it, not to feel any of it. Distract myself out of any and all possible pain. It’s times like now I wish I could rely on what I’m so used to relying on – alcohol. The only thing I want, the […]
Distract, avoid, and run. Read More »
Right now, we are on our way to the childrens hospital 2 hours from us where both of my children are regularly seen. They have their “big”appointment today, neuromuscular. This is the doctor who diagnosed all of us and has been sort of the leader in their care. She’s the top neuromuscular doctor in the
When strength is the only choice you have Read More »
Dear anybody, Yes, anybody at all. The ones I know and the ones that I don’t. The ones I’ve pushed away, and the ones I secretly hold the closest to my heart. Despite my words of opposition and my actions that make no sense, I need you. Desperately so. I don’t know what it is
Dear anybody, I need you. Read More »
The past few days, I’ve woken up with no spoons. Nothing to give, nothing to offer the day. Depression the the master of stealing spoons, nothing else does it quite as well. I don’t feel like eating, I don’t feel like arguing or exerting myself in any way, I don’t feel like existing. Putting my
When depression kicks your ass Read More »
It’s always nice when the day starts off on the right foot. When things have even just the chance of being okay. I went to the dentist first thing this morning at 7am, and honestly, it was kind of nice to just go there and sit and be still and quiet and think. Even if
Today, so far, feels better. Read More »
The Monday after a holiday weekend is always harder than a “regular” Monday. Yesterday was Greek Easter, so we celebrated that with the kids and then went to have dinner with our family. Any time there’s a holiday, it leaves me feeling way too spent and drained. Like, the amount of effort and energy that
I don’t feel like Mondaying today Read More »
If there’s one thing I know to be true, it’s that eventually, the dam always breaks. You can try to run from it, you can try to build it up, make it stronger, but no matter what…the pressure keeps building, and soon enough, it will break. That’s what depression and anxiety is like, for me
When the dam breaks Read More »
Last night, I did something for the first time in literally years. I went to the movies. Yes, shocking, I know. I actually don’t know what’s more shocking, the fact that I actually went, or the fact that we haven’t gone in years. My husband and I used to go relatively frequently, maybe once a
When “normalcy” feels abnormal Read More »
It’s day 2 with no power, and from the looks of it, I’m not expecting it to be on any time soon. They haven’t even cleared the trees that are on top of the down lines, so there’s still some work to be done. Since we have (now 12) baby chicks in my bathroom, and
Chicks and kids in the dark Read More »
I feel better today than I did yesterday. Today is my husbands birthday, so I have him to focus on. I’m glad to be with him and celebrating him, it gives me something more positive to focus on. Last night, right before we went to sleep, I asked if he would still love me when
Off to a better start…sort of Read More »