What does it mean when I honestly don’t know what’s okay and what isn’t? I know the difference for other people, there is no grey area there. I know how to treat other people, I can clearly see the boundaries for anyone but myself. I have a firm grasp on right and wrong, appropriate or […]
If it’s not okay for you, why is it for me? Read More »
FUCK. How much no is no enough? I was uncomfortable. I was touched wayyyy too much. For the first time, maybe not really the first time, safe felt very unsafe. I kept trying to get away. I didn’t want to be touched. No part of me. Not my hand, not my foot, definitely not a
Please don’t touch me Read More »
He took the boys out this morning. I should be grateful, and I am. Finally, a moment of peace for the first time this week. A chance to catch my breath and just breathe, exist in the stillness. But it doesn’t feel good. It feels lonely. It feels isolating. These quiet moments are exactly what
I consider myself to be a relatively easygoing person. (I very well may laugh at this line at any point in the future.) While I say that, I do absolutely thrive with consistency and predictability. I like my routine, I like a plan, I like to plan ahead. It honestly is where I thrive. Week
The unexpected cancel Read More »
It’s just typical day in the world of special needs parenting. Wake up, breakfast, naps, therapy. Tuesday is OT (occupational therapy) day. Everyone is in a decent enough mood. No fires to put out (except for the literal mini fire in the toaster at 6am, thanks husband). But I still have this heaviness within me.
When there’s “nothing wrong” Read More »
Another hungover morning. Aren’t they all? Maybe I finished my last drink, maybe I passed out before I could. There’s likely at least something left in my glass from the night before. Something strong. Why wouldn’t I drink it? It’s already made. It’s just a little. I’m not actually pouring a drink. It doesn’t really
Therapy. Ugh. What a stupid concept. Sit there and talk about my problems. Bleck. Who even does that? That’s stupid. Why should I pay someone to listen to me? Fuck that. All thoughts I had for years. (Wait for the punchline guys, trust me.) But really….it’s so much more than that. My journey into the
My forever long journey in therapy Read More »
In my senior year of high school, things had pretty much gone to shit. I had decided I was done. The pain was too much, the grief, life had gotten the best of me. I knew I needed help, I knew I wasn’t long for this world if things didn’t change. Simply put, I was
Finding community in unexpected places Read More »
(You can find parts 1 and 2 of my backstory here) Shortly before I graduated high school, when things were just at an all time low for me, I was basically in self preservation mode. I was doing anything I could think of just to survive. I had just gotten out of that 3 year
Wait, I can be broken and still be loved? Read More »
If you missed part 1, you can find that here. It details everything up until this point. So far, we’ve been through an abusive and traumatic home life, multiple surgeries, an (at that time) undiagnosed genetic disorder, and a whole slew of other issues. I’m battling with horrible depression, anxiety, insomnia, ptsd, and surgical recovery,
The road so far… part 2 Read More »
