How I’ve been feeling these last few days…these last few weeks even…. It’s not okay. I feel like shit. Physically, I’m in the worst flare up I’ve been in in a long time. I can’t sleep both because of the extra levels of pain, and the additional nightmares. Despite my husband working what seems like […]
Running out of fight Read More »
The old me is making a strong push to become the new me, once again. I don’t know how I feel about it. Well, that’s not true. I do know how I feel about it. But I feel very differently about it, depending on what time of day I were to ask myself. I recognize
Do you know what happens when you open up a pressure cooker without first releasing the pressure? Well, if you don’t, here’s what happens. “The contents will erupt violently, potentially causing serious burns, injuries, and property damage.” Thaaaaaaaats how I felt last night. And honestly, how I am still feeling now. Like I was opened
Emotions like a pressure cooker Read More »
While I have spent the past 6 days emotionally recovering from the bullshit that life can sometimes be…I was handed yet another curveball. As you may or may not know (but you probably do, let’s be honest), me and my 3 kids suffer from an insanely rare, and in fact non existent outside of our
Bleeding from…where??! Read More »
It has been a journey. A long, and at times impossible one. But I’m here. I’m feeling better physically, but as far as my mental health as it pertains to literal brain chemistry? Yeah. I’m still on the struggle bus. Alcohol was the dopamine that fueled my body. I do not have an ounce of
The best I can do for now. Read More »
Okay. I’m going for it tonight. It’s only 8pm, and I’m hurting like hell right now, but I’m going to try to make tonight the night where I don’t drink anything. I’ve tapered down for the past 3 nights as much as I could. But tonight, between the significant cravings and the physical withdrawal symptoms,
A real day 1. So far. Read More »
Here we are at night number…1? Still zero? Two? I honestly don’t know. Last night I decided to take a small, tiny, half of a step to really try getting sober. Again. So I drank half of my usual amount, despite knowing how much it would suck for me. And oh, how it sucked. After
Small steps are still steps Read More »
Lately, the hurt hurts. And it hurts really fucking badly. I feel like I don’t have even the most fleeting of moments to catch my breath. To catch up. To…..nullify or lessen even an ounce of the hurt. The days are so long, and the nights have felt even longer. Nightmare, after nightmare, after nightmare.
I just need a second Read More »
My lovely brain is such a beautiful mess. A creative, captivating space, craving to be engaged, longing for meaning, connection…substance. Substance in the form of something meaningful. Something that means something. More than the surface level interaction. A way to connect. A way to engage. Connect my messy but uniquely beautiful brain waves to yours.
The path to connection Read More »
Waking up this morning felt like I left the parts of myself required to be a functioning adult in yesterday. As soon as I woke up, I felt…off. Legitimately like I’m lacking something. A serious lacking of spoons? Depression? The burden of a long as hell week catching up with me? All of the above
More than I have to give Read More »
