It’s Valentine’s Day. A relatively useless day in general, but even more so when your wedding anniversary is less than 1 week later. Tonight my husband and I will do nothing more special than DoorDashing our favorite local Sushi place. I think it’s somewhat of a tradition we started years ago when we went there […]
For people who suck at Valentine’s Day Read More »
The other night was….ptsd. It was straight up PTSD mixed with alcohol and fear. I fucked it up, I was actual hot shit, I was a disaster. That’s just what this shit will do to you. The other was rough and it was brutal. It was the manifestation of all of the suppressed thoughts and
Oh, PTSD. You got me again. Read More »
Him – “Do you want to go to the bathroom and then come to bed? Me – “No. I don’t want anything. I want another drink. (Hesitation) Him – “Well, you can drink more if you want to, but just know it’s not because of a lack of love.” Well played, sir. Well played. This
When you choose love over alcohol Read More »
Every…however often it is…things seems to feel worse. The shift is subtle, and usually, no one would be able to tell. But there’s one area where the shift becomes incredibly blatant and apparent. I don’t smile, I don’t want to be touched, I’m not going to pretend to be happy for your benefit…I’m exhausted all
When physical touch makes you cringe Read More »
Holiday season, birthday season…it all happens now. My youngest sons birthday is in a week. Then Christmas. Then my older sons birthday a month after that. Being a mom has made me realize just how much I missed out on growing up. I was never loved, I was never taken care of…no one was ever
I have never felt the love that I’ve needed Read More »
Another night, alone in the dark with nothing but my thoughts and a full glass. It was a night of heavy emotions from the start. Anxiety sparked the evening. Love attempted healed it. But then it ignited once again, full force this time. Threatened with the possibility of an evening alone while he sleeps…of spending
Without anger, anxiety quickly turns to sadness. Read More »
I don’t like this picture. But it’s also my favorite. It’s a telling picture, to say the least. It’s not an attractive photo of me by any means, I look exhausted at best. But it’s one that means the most to me. What you can’t see from this angle is his little hand. He’s reaching
Love is the most healing force on the planet. Read More »
(While this post is directed at a specific person, it also applies to you. Whoever is reading this. You don’t know me, but you’re still here, fighting whatever fight you’re fighting. And that’s something you should feel proud of.) Hey bud, this whole thing might sound super strange, but hang in there with me for
You don’t know me, but I’m proud of you Read More »
I wrote a post, tagged it, edited it…it took me hours to write. But I can’t publish it. Not tonight. I will tomorrow…but those words aren’t quite matching the feelings I have right now. I miss him. I just miss him so fucking much that it doesn’t make sense. It hurts. It hurts too much
There is no pain like missing someone you might never see again. Read More »
I’m going to get very upset with you if you act like you care about me. I’m going to push you away and hate you and look at all the ways you’re lying to me when you act like you care. I’m going to be upset when you have a better life than me. I’m
Go away. I need you, please come back Read More »
