I don’t know how I’m going to make it through today. I honestly don’t know if I want to.
Everything hurts, everything is hard. Harder than it should be. I wish I could just say what I wanted to, what I really felt. Last night was rough.
My husband wanted to go to bed at like 8:30. He said he wanted to take a 5 minute nap because he was tired and thought it would help him be more awake. I pretty much knew then that the night was over. I didn’t wake him up, I didn’t even try.
And that’s the thing…I just gave up. That should pretty much tell you right there how badly I’m doing right now. I gave up. I just don’t care anymore. About anything.
This morning I should have had therapy but she had to cancel. It’s fine. Life, ya know?
So then I felt REALLY great. Just absolutely super fantastic.
I don’t know. I am really just so exhausted. Life is becoming a bit too much. There is so much heaviness everywhere I look and it is crushing me.
I just wish for once someone would help me hold at least some of the weight, even for just a minute. Because otherwise, I’m pretty sure I’m going to suffocate.
I feel so alone and lost. More than anything, I wish I felt better. I wish ANYTHING felt okay.
I just fucking wish I had someone on my side right now. But when I need them the most is of course when I’m going to shut down and push them away.
I don’t care. Like I said..I’m just done. I’m depleted, I’m exhausted, and I can’t deal with all of this by myself. I just can’t.