An unedited truth

Do you ever spend your nights getting blackout drunk while simultaneously googling things like “recovery coaches” or “AA meetings in your area”?

No? Just me? Okay, well shit. Maybe that means that I’m making progress. Or maybe it means that I’m regressing. Honestly, who the fuck knows.

Here’s a little behind the scenes info for you…sometimes, when I start writing these posts, it’s late at night. Oftentimes, the first half of a raw, emotional post will be written late at night. And the second half will be the edited, less emotional, and more put together. As of now, this half? It’s the drunk, emotional, evening version.

I’m quite sure that the sober, morning version of myself will cut this out. But here’s why it’s important not to.

Because I’m being fucking real right now.

Yes. Drunk version of me exists. It comes to life every single night. And the sober version of myself doesn’t get to simply silence her. So FUCK sober me. Fuck the version of myself that is the MOST disingenuous. Fuck her. Fuck the lies. No sir, not today.

We’ll wake up in the morning, reread this and think holy shit, does this need some edits.

But maybe, just maybe not.

My husband just looked over at me like…it’s midnight, what the fuck are you doing. So that’s my natural cue to stop.

But sober me…be real. Be genuine.

You’re in trouble, and you’re a mess.

You spend you’re nights drunk and drinking and searching for solutions. Stop lying and start accepting help.

That’s it, that’s the post. No edits, no deleting, just the truth.

I’m in trouble, and I need to accept it.

I need to stop editing the truth out of my life.

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Well, that was bold. I guess I put myself in a position here, haven’t I. But, I called myself out, and I’m going to honor the part of myself that wrote this. So…there you go. And yes, I was right. Sober me would’ve absolutely deleted all of that and written something else. I guess I know myself pretty well.