When you ask me how I am, and I tell you that “I’m fine, I always am”. Do you hear the sarcasm masking my screams of agony? When you ask if I’m okay (if you even ever do) and I give a snarky smirk and response of “hah. Of course I’m fine.” Do you ever […]
I wonder if you hear me Read More »
Well, I’ve sort of voiced who you all who he is. He’s a family member. He lives close by. Literally impossible to escape. Saturday evening began with him showing our other family members pictures of him and I from years ago. Him remembering all the ways in which we were close. When I was a
Choices I couldn’t make Read More »
Pain doesn’t go away. It doesn’t ever stop. At best, it changes. It doesn’t go anywhere…it waits patiently. Silently and boldly waiting to be addressed. Waiting for it’s time to be seen. Patiently knowing it’s time will come. Pain hides itself in the shadows, waiting for its moment to make itself known. It will be
Pain hides in the shadows, waiting for it’s moment. Read More »
Hello there, the angel from my nightmareThe shadow in the background of the morgueThe unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valleyWe can live like Jack and Sally if we wantWhere you can always find meAnd we’ll have Halloween on ChristmasAnd in the night we’ll wish this never endsWe’ll wish this never ends…. Sometimes the only
Turn the chaos down and the music up Read More »
Am I allowed to say that? Am I allowed to be that honest? I know that with the shit I write, I’m clearly not okay, I’m not pretending to be. But am I allowed to be so bold as to just say it? Like… I’m fucking not okay right now. I’m not. I had a
Here we are again. A night resembling so many others. Loneliness is the enemy. Self doubt and fear is the company. Alcohol is the constant….is the welcomed familiar. Alcohol is the mute button. Good ole Kraken. Coming to save to day. Or ruin it. Depending on perspective, of course. I say I’ll have one drink.
Pour another drink. No, I meant one more. No really, just one more. Okay, maybe another. Read More »
Hey there, sadness. Today you win. I guess I have to recognize that. I’ll call you what you are instead of pretending you don’t exist. I won’t call you anger or anything else when I know that isn’t really true. It’s hard to keep up with you sometimes, sadness. You put some pretty big demands
I’m going to get very upset with you if you act like you care about me. I’m going to push you away and hate you and look at all the ways you’re lying to me when you act like you care. I’m going to be upset when you have a better life than me. I’m
Go away. I need you, please come back Read More »
I owe you an apology. Probably more than one. While you have certainly had your share of flaws and missteps along the way…this post is not about that. This past year…really the past 2 years now…have been the ugliest of my life. They’ve been brutal. You’ve seen the worst of me, you’ve picked me up
Dear Husband, I’m sorry for the past year. Read More »
Does this happen to anyone else? I could be sitting there, attempting to drown out the noise from the universe around me…trying to convince myself that I’m fine. That everything is fine. But then randomly, my face betrays me and starts leaking. (Damn allergies.) I’m just in the middle of watching a show, drinking my
