It’s just past 7pm. My husband got home from work an hour ago, and he is already in bed trying to sleep. It happens often. He’ll get a migraine and just be dead to the world sleeping until it goes away. I get it. It sucks for him. But it’s also pretty miserable for me. […]
An uncomfortably familiar night. Read More »
(((I know, I know. I’m writing a lot the past few days. I tend to do that. I feel things and I either completely shut down and stop all forms of communication, or I just try to write it all out. I guess I’m in that phase now?))) A hangover is guaranteed for tomorrow. But
Alcohol vs. …everything? Read More »
Tonight is an absolute shit show, where I’m sure I’ve made mistakes. All I want to do is give up. All I want to do is listen to the demons and the voices in my head telling my my life isn’t worth it. That all I cause is pain and burden and problems. That voice
Another night spent welcoming the morning. An empty glass begging to be refilled. No thought consumes my mind more than the anxiety of an empty glass. He begs to go to bed. Not in words, but in actions. This divide is causing issues I don’t know how to solve. “I’m used to it”, he says.
Pain is pain. We can acknowledge its existence or we can deny it. Either choice won’t make it go away. Something hurts. You feel pain, but you don’t want to. So you act like it doesn’t bother you, you stuff it down, smile…. “move on”. But can you really just ignore the pain, pretend it
Pain demands to be felt Read More »
It’s another miserable night. Sitting alone in the bathroom with a drink in hand, struggling to make the right choices. I feel like shit. Do I deserve it? Is he wrong? Does he care? Each drink tells me a different story. One more and I’m right. Another and I’m a piece of shit. Deserving only
Hey there, sleep. It’s been a while since we’ve been in sync, hasn’t it? I’ve not seen much of you lately. We maybe spent 3 hours together last night. And not much more any other thought this past week. But, sleep, you’re supposed to help heal me. You’re supposed to help me recover from the
I try not to write when I’m in an active state of being upset, because honestly, no one wants to hear about that. Or at least, that’s what I assume. (I’m not good enough, no one cares, so change yourself.) I’ll feel what I feel and try to stuff it down. I’ll wait until later
It’s nearly 1 in the morning. My husband is asleep despite my attempts of procrastination to keep him up with me. I’m tired and I have less than 5 hours until I need to be awake and useful to the world, but I can’t close my eyes. Fear consumes me in these hours. The fear
When tomorrow is already here Read More »
Hello again, alcohol. I did well these past few days with less of you, but I knew it was a temporary fix. Why would I need to drink when literally in “the happiest place on earth”? I had no need to. Not that one ever has a “need” for alcohol…but still. I drank to sleep,
The curse and comfort of alcohol Read More »
