The return “home” was harsher than I hoped. We got home just after my boys were in bed, but not yet asleep. We went in to say hello and goodnight, give them big hugs and all that, but it wasn’t that easy. My 4 year old took it in stride, was happy to see us […]
Rougher than expected Read More »
Oh, my poor brother. He’s sharing a room with my husband and I for the first few days while we are on vacation (normally he lives in another state), and I’m not sure he knew what he was getting himself into. My husband knows this, he’s adapted, but my brother? Not so much. See, I
Don’t share a room with an insomniac Read More »
I feel like a broken soul. Too damaged to be fixed. Too lost for hope to find its way back to. Another night alone with too much alcohol. The only presence capable to dull this enormous pain. I want to be done, but I can’t be. I want to cry, but I can’t. If I
Well crap. If that isn’t a handful, I don’t know what is. They feed off each other. They exist to torture me. I see no point for them to be exist otherwise. Combine all of that with loneliness? And you’ve got the hot mess express, ticket for one, rolling in real quick. You’d think drinking
Alcohol, insomnia, and nightmares. Read More »
It’s not a secret that I’m struggling. I feel completely alone and vulnerable and just crappy. Last night was rough. My husband had anxieties that I could feel, but he didn’t communicate them with me until after I was already affected by it. He later did, but the fact that he lied about it in
Late at night, after admittedly too many drinks…I feel everything. I feel everything I’m afraid to feel during the day. I feel what I hide, what I shut down, what I convince myself just isn’t worth feeling. But it’s there. And it is worth feeling. It demands to be felt. It resurfaces constantly. Every single
Do nights bring out the worst in me? Or are they just more honest? Read More »
That’s it. That’s all I have to say for now. Life is freaking hard. And it’s painful. And it’s often times confusing as hell to navigate. I often have no idea what I’m doing. Because this crap is hard. I often question whether or not it’s supposed to be this difficult, but that really doesn’t
It’s usually at night, once the alcohol starts reclaiming its all to familiar home within my body, that my brain allows itself to wander. To feel, just for a moment. “Tell someone”. My head is screaming at me to tell someone. Tell my husband. Tell my friends. Tell literally anyone. Sometimes I think one drink
“Tell someone, anyone” Read More »
It’s been a while since you’ve waken me this abruptly, with images so vivid I question their reality. It’s been a few days since I’ve sat awake at 2am lonely and afraid to close my eyes again. Usually I dull you, nightmares. Usually I drink you into silence. I suppose I fell asleep too early
My phone buzzes and I see your name. Shit. The content doesn’t matter. I’m already spiraling into unforgivable anxiety. My day ruined before it even begins. All it takes is a 2 word text and the images are back..replaying over and over. My heart can’t slow down even if I beg it to. A two
The panic of a text Read More »
