Not going to lie, I spent a lot of today sleeping. And for me “a lot” really isn’t that much, but certainly a lot more than any typical amount for me. My husband took the kids out in the late afternoon when I started to just not feel great, and I spent probably an hour […]
Listening to my body and slowing down Read More »
I feel like I’m in a helpless battle right now. A fight that I cannot win. And despite my own best efforts and incredible fight against these demons, I’m not coming out on top. Fear is winning. Insecurity is winning. Addiction is winning. I don’t know exactly what the most defining shift was, but I
The world is loud right now. It’s screaming and chaos and thunder. Nothing is easy. Nothing makes sense. Foreign is the only familiar thing. And if that sentence makes no damn sense to you, then you’re reading it exactly right. I don’t know how to make sense of my ever changing, loud, chaotic and fucked
Loud, chaotic, unpredictable Read More »
Nightmares are a common theme of my existence around here. A night without nightmares just doesn’t happen. Some periods of time are worse than others, but I can never fully escape their wrath. When I was growing up, I had recurring nightmares with some pretty dark themes. In adulthood, I’ve had periods of time with
Nightmares end where safety begins Read More »
This whole summer break thing is just so not it. It’s been a week. And we’re all going insane. Having 3 kids not only just with physical disabilities…but also with 2 of them having pretty severe ADHD amongst other things…phew. It’s kicking my ass. Last night at like 8:55pm, I half jokingly, but half not,
Burnout, but no breaks in sight. Read More »
Don’t think, don’t block it out, don’t edit it or filter it. Just let it out. I have SO much running through my head lately that it hurts. I have so many thoughts that mean something, but then they just get lost halfway through and all tangled up and I can’t isolate anything anymore. My
A brain like a bowl of noodles, and slowing down to reconnect. Read More »
I wrote the majority of this post last night. And every word I said is true and honest. But, perhaps more honestly, it can be boiled down into fewer, simpler words. I tried to drink less. And I failed. And that makes me feel like even more of a worthless, failure of a human being
….or not to drink? But the demons don’t care. Read More »
Tonight sucks. I’m feeling alone. (Deja fucking vu, right?) I don’t think this phase of life will ever end. I’m beginning to feel like my husband will never come home. (His dad is very sick and he’s been taking care of him for the past few weeks). These nights get…intense. Sleeping has gotten harder. The
Whew. Life sure has been a whirlwind lately. I got home from my trip Saturday evening. By Monday, we got the news that my husbands dad, who has been battling cancer for a while, was not doing well. By Tuesday we were booking flights, and by Thursday, he left. My husband flew out yesterday to
When life is moving a million miles a minute Read More »
I’m never cold. Right now, it’s incredibly hot out, with a real feel of 110°f or higher just about every day. I’m intolerant of the heat, it makes me sick and pass out, and I hate it. But I’m laying in bed after a long and lonely night. A night, admittedly, made significantly better by
