It’s been a while since you’ve waken me this abruptly, with images so vivid I question their reality. It’s been a few days since I’ve sat awake at 2am lonely and afraid to close my eyes again. Usually I dull you, nightmares. Usually I drink you into silence. I suppose I fell asleep too early […]
In a world full of turmoil and pain, I find myself struggling to find my footing. I know what I want, I know what I need, but it doesn’t seem to come easily for me. I’ve been having a hard time lately. I’m feeling lost, betrayed, and so, so angry. Angry about what happened, angry
Bubble of protection; Please love me Read More »
Usually I love bad weather days. There’s an undeniable romance about the weather matching your mood. This morning everything just feels foggy. The air, my lungs, I can’t see very far. It’s hard to breathe, hard to focus, hard to even want to. My future feels too distant. Who am I kidding, tomorrow feels too
Some nights feel too heavy. Some nights feel to dark, too lonely. It’s not the nights that are the sole problem. The nights are a reflection of the days. Rarely in my life have I felt as I did this week, these past few weeks. I don’t want this, the burden, the loneliness. Sometimes I
When you just need a hug Read More »
No matter how much I want to, I’ll never be able to speak the words that my head is screaming. I’ll always be a disappointment. Burdened to carry the weight of the world myself. I need to get this away from me. I need to share the weight of it. This is crushing me, and
I have a bad feeling about tonight. All day I’ve felt a certain sense of disconnect. Alone, isolated, panicked. It will be a night of bad choices, I can feel it from now. I could feel it brewing since last night. Drinking feels like the only way to ease this anxiety. I need love, a
Feeling disconnected Read More »
Feel worse, drink more. Or, is it drink more, feel worse? Could it really be better if I feel worse…but drink less? That doesn’t seem possible. Life happens, a shit day, whatever excuse you have. Drink the pain away. I’m sure that will make it better. Alcohol solves all problems. Until it creates its own.
Does drinking make life worse, or does life make drinking worse? Read More »
I’m upset this morning and I don’t know why. Tears are close to flowing, a rarity for me. There is no reason to be upset. It was a good morning. My husband even woke up a half hour earlier than usual so our morning coffee time together could be longer before we get the kids.
Misery in mornings Read More »
The nights are lonely. The nights are liars. It tells me everything I’m afraid of. The nighttime tells me I deserve the pain. I deserve the suffering. It reminds me in my nightmares. I’m lucky if I go a night without screaming in my sleep, waking at least one person up. Last night I wasn’t
He took the boys out this morning. I should be grateful, and I am. Finally, a moment of peace for the first time this week. A chance to catch my breath and just breathe, exist in the stillness. But it doesn’t feel good. It feels lonely. It feels isolating. These quiet moments are exactly what
