I had a few doctor appointments this week. One, yesterday, was an ultrasound at my OB’s office. Baby looks good and is measuring 8 weeks 5 days. Pretty much perfect. That’s the good kind of doctor appointment, the one that is actually pleasant, and not (usually) traumatic. Until it is. Until they ask how many […]
What is it about doctors? Read More »
I’ve always…very quietly, and very under the radar, struggled with weight gain. As in, it’s something I hate doing, and therefor don’t. My BMI typically hangs out around 18 or 19. And while I don’t go to extreme measures to keep it that way (anymore), I actively make food choices to support a “healthier” lifestyle.
There are things more Important than your weight Read More »
I had honestly hoped, as shitty as the situation was, that things could eventually become.. better. I thought things could…possibly one day resemble some sort of normalcy. Although I knew I might never forgive you, I tried to convince myself that maybe I could try. Because regardless of the shit that you did to me
Dear rapist, haven’t you taken enough from me? Read More »
I’m just here to say that while it usually takes me 5-6 days to go through a large bottle of 94 proof, very strong liquor… It’s now been 6 days since I’ve had any drink of any kind. You might get sick of me saying it, but shit. That’s a big deal for me. And
A different kind of 6 days Read More »
I do a lot of fighting. Fighting for my kids. For their medical needs to be met and exceeded. Fighting for my family, my husband…fighting for all the people in my life who can’t always fight for themselves in the moment. I’ve been a fighter my entire life. Every day of my existence is a
Hour 1- 8:40pmI’ve already pushed it 1 hour and 49 minutes. The pain is intense. The headache, she shakiness, the pounding heart. I need to do this slowly. I need to taper. One drink tonight. I’m only 3 weeks, 1 day. I found out as early as possible to give myself the best chance before
I’ve taken so many tests. I know it’s still early, but I needed to know. They’ve all been “negative”. Yesterday I convinced myself that there was a line. Literally barely there, but I hoped. This morning I didn’t see one. But I also gave up and didn’t look. When I back a little while later
You know my best friend? The one that I wrote this post to? Well, I miss her. Quite a bit. She’s pregnant now, with her first baby. She just found out they’re having a girl. I’m happy for her. Truly and genuinely….I am happy for her. I’m happy she’s having a girl, because it gives
When you miss your best friend Read More »
There’s a very real possibility that within the next few weeks, I will absolutely (temporarily) become the very the worst version of myself. As of this moment, I have not got more than…25?hours sober in…years. I’ve pushed, I’ve tried, I’ve extended the zone…but let’s be real. It’s been years since I’ve ever been more than
“Please love me through it” Read More »
When I went to therapy on Friday it was definitely….productive. Even though it was only an hour (as opposed to 2 hours which they often are), we got a little bit done. A few months ago, we tried doing EMDR to get through some of my trauma and to help with drinking less and all
Another attempt at EMDR Read More »