You never think it will be you

You hear the stories of others, watch someone else’s life unfold, and you think to yourself “but that will never be me”.

“I would never make those choices, I would never do that.”

“I would never be that unlucky.”

“I’d never put myself in that position.”

“I would get out before it got too bad.”

“I would never let it go that far”.

So many things…so many scenarios you could just never imagine that could be you. After all….how could it be?

You see where this has taken others, you’ve witnessed it before, you’re above all of that. Of course it will never be you.

I never thought it would be me

It couldn’t be me. I thought I paid my dues with my past, that I had suffered enough, endured enough.

So, surely, I was in the clear. Nothing bad would happen…because it already has. Except, I wasn’t in the clear.

I never thought I’d have 2 boys with an incredibly rare form of muscular dystrophy. (No…that would never happen. That’s crazy.)

I never thought my son would have a power wheelchair by the time he was 4 and a half years old. (Never. That’s impossible.)

I never thought I would have a baby at 19 who I couldn’t raise, who I could love and cherish but only from afar. And I certainly never thought it would haunt me this horribly, even 7 years later.

I never thought I would be the victim of sexual assault by not 1, but 4 separate people over the course of my life. (That’s truly crazy. That would Never happen to me.) But it did. The last occasion being very recently.

I never thought I would live a life where alcohol has become so intertwined with my ever fiber of my being. I’d never dream that 2 years (maybe more) would pass without a single full day of sobriety.

I never thought I would be spending so much effort of trying to become sober. (That’s ridiculous. I would never be stupid enough to get physically addicted. I’m not an idiot.) Except I did.

I’d never think I would need to spend 3 hours a week in my own therapy, trying to wrap my head around what the heck is going on in my life. (That seems excessive…who would ever need that?) Well, apparently me.

You see…there are so many things. I could go on. But how ridiculous is even just that? I never thought any of this could happen to me.

But it did. All of it and more. And I’m sure life isn’t done handing me these delightful little gifts either.

So bring it on world, I’m ready for you. I’ve learned to expect it all.

And so should you..because you think it can’t happen to you, but it can.