Sometimes I don’t know how to stop the sadness. It feels too big, too consuming.
It almost feels cyclical. There are times of the day where I seem to always feel worse. In the morning, after my husband leaves for work and I’m left with facing the day alone. After I put the kids to bed and I have a few hours to myself until he gets home from work. Then late at night. When the thoughts have nothing to do but form within the darkness of my mind.
At this point, I’m frustrated. I know what every day looks like, and I just don’t know how to feel better. To be honest, there’s a sense of hopelessness beginning to form within me. And that’s not something I’m particularly interested in exploring. But at the same time, I can’t ignore it either.
If I knew what to do, if I knew how to just feel better, I’d do it. I wish the answers were simple. Shit, I just wish the answers existed at all
My life has never been easy, and I know it never will be. Easy just isn’t my reality. But just because things are hard…does that mean I have to be miserable?
Can there not be joy in a strenuous existence? Surely it isn’t all black and white…is it?
Why can’t I appreciate the difficulties in my life without it fully consuming me?
My life is laughably painful. But I just don’t understand why there can’t be happiness in between the roughness.
You talk about facing the day alone and being alone after the kids go to bed – can you get some kind of job or volunteer in a way that makes you feel useful? I know I start to feel very down in the dumps if I have loads of unstructured time and am just sort of drifting.
That probably would help a good bit and it’s something to look into. Right now my days are pretty filled with my kids and a few hours of their therapy each day, so I couldn’t realistically do anything during the day. But finding something that is fulfilling would definitely help!