I’m just here to say that while it usually takes me 5-6 days to go through a large bottle of 94 proof, very strong liquor… It’s now been 6 days since I’ve had any drink of any kind. You might get sick of me saying it, but shit. That’s a big deal for me. And […]
A different kind of 6 days Read More »
Sometimes, things just hurt so much, that there’s nothing I can do or say that could even make sense. There aren’t enough adequate words to apply to how I’m feeling, so it just doesn’t seem right to even try. That’s how I feel right now. Everything hurts, and there aren’t the right words for it.
When it hurts too much for words Read More »
I do a lot of fighting. Fighting for my kids. For their medical needs to be met and exceeded. Fighting for my family, my husband…fighting for all the people in my life who can’t always fight for themselves in the moment. I’ve been a fighter my entire life. Every day of my existence is a
Hour 1- 8:40pmI’ve already pushed it 1 hour and 49 minutes. The pain is intense. The headache, she shakiness, the pounding heart. I need to do this slowly. I need to taper. One drink tonight. I’m only 3 weeks, 1 day. I found out as early as possible to give myself the best chance before
I’ve taken so many tests. I know it’s still early, but I needed to know. They’ve all been “negative”. Yesterday I convinced myself that there was a line. Literally barely there, but I hoped. This morning I didn’t see one. But I also gave up and didn’t look. When I back a little while later
6 years ago today, I married my best friend. Last year we started the tradition of going “away” for our anniversary to celebrate. Really, all that consists of is staying in a hotel 20 minutes from our house, but hey. It’s a kidless weekend, and that’s the best kind of weekend that there is. Overall,
An anniversary staycation, and the realities of a Sunday. Read More »
I don’t have anything poetic or productive to say today other than how I feel. I’m still feeling pretty crappy from the other day. The weight of the world has caught up to me, I guess. And I’m just feeling rather alone and broken. I literally feel heavy. Like even the most simple tasks are
When a sign isn’t really a sign, but maybe it is? Read More »
Therapy was a mess last night. It was absolutely shit from literally the moment I walked in until I left. I hate myself. I’m frustrated and I feel like crap. I was wrong to think she cared. I was wrong to have hope. Usually I know better than to be this stupid. To allow myself
It’s Valentine’s Day. A relatively useless day in general, but even more so when your wedding anniversary is less than 1 week later. Tonight my husband and I will do nothing more special than DoorDashing our favorite local Sushi place. I think it’s somewhat of a tradition we started years ago when we went there
For people who suck at Valentine’s Day Read More »
Today did not start out good. Actually, it started okay…but went very wrong within the first 10 minutes of being awake. For once, my mood matches the weather instead of being the complete opposite. Usually nothing makes me happier than a rainy day. Especially a rainy Saturday. But today, I just feel like shit. I
