Another fucked up nightmare, come to grace me with its presence. I’m never sure which is worse, the nightmares of my dreams, or the nightmares of my reality. They both come around to haunt me when it’s their time. I’m just a failure born to lose. This fight was never mine to win. Not alone, […]
A never ending nightmare Read More »
Another day that starts with a doctor appointment. To be honest, today is not my favorite day. It’s the day I consider to be the worst day of pregnancy….glucose testing day. UGH. I’m not allowed to eat until after I drink that drink and get my blood drawn, and I’m starving. I’d seriously rather go
Just gotta keep pushing on Read More »
Lately, I’ve been finding myself in an interesting predicament. I make no secret about the fact that I don’t like myself, and that I basically hate everything about me….but…what does it mean if your child is exactly like you? My 5 year old is…well, he’s really something. Over the past year, more and more, he’ll
When you don’t like yourself…but your kid is just like you. Read More »
Dear son, It’s just a random Tuesday in early August. There’s no holiday, no birthday coming up…no special date to remark of. Just another day. Yet still, I think of you. I think of you always. Literally, every single day. There isn’t a day that goes by, I promise you…not one…where I don’t think of
I think of you always Read More »
Oooh boy. I am having quite a lot of feelings in a week that it’s not great to have this many feelings. Typically, I “pride” myself on being a very…unemotional person. Outwardly, at least. (There’s actually nothing prideful about this, it’s much better to feel your feelings.) I keep my cards close and my heart
Things are hard enough when they’re perfect. But they are even harder when they’re not. My husband and I did not have a good morning. Actually, the morning was fine. But then I asked him to help me clean something up, he made a bigger mess with it, I got frustrated, he walked away, and
Hard enough when things are perfect Read More »
Todays theme: Letting go. As we all know, lately I’ve been struggling a bit. I’m exhausted and need to take a break, and the weekends are really the only time I can. But I also struggle with letting go of control, and letting my husband take over what would be my responsibilities. I like it
Not too long ago, I spent my days drinking and looking up rehabs. How’s that for a great first line to a post? It’s true though. I was at the point where I had gotten myself so physically addicted to alcohol that I thought, and I wasn’t wrong, that I would actually die if I
When you pull yourself out of the trenches Read More »
Do you ever just wake up, and feel like you’ve just got nothing in you to offer the day? That’s how I feel today. I woke up just completely on empty, nothing in the tank. My legs are more swollen than usual, everything hurts, and I just…I just don’t have it today. But no matter
When you wake up with nothing left to give. Read More »
So…therapy. Let’s just jump right in, shall we? With my husband coming with me last night, I didn’t know exactly quite what to expect. It went fine, overall, but it stressed me out a bit. We talked about “boring” things that’s I always try to avoid…money, our relationship, the future…all that shit. It went well,
Here we go…again. But I can do hard things. Read More »