So…something kind of…crazy happened the other day. First of all, yes, I’m alive. I survived. The hard part isn’t over, not by a long shot…but one day at a time…right? Secondly…holy shit. Like, actually, holy fucking shit. On Monday, my sons birthday…I struggled. Of course. I sent the text, the “happy birthday, please give my […]
Unpacking this emotional fuckery Read More »
This morning got off to a very bad start, which does nothing to help my already….sensitive…state of being. We should say sensitive instead of suicidal, right? Okay. Good. My 5 year old did something impulsive and kind of dumb, didn’t get enough sleep, and is in a particularly difficult kind of mood. The sad, crying,
A bad start can only get better…right? Read More »
Driving home from therapy with a blurry field of vision is never what I hope for. Fighting back the tears, fighting back the emotions, fighting back the urge to kill myself… it’s like that’s when it hits me. Driving home, later at night, when all I want to do is give up. The pain is
I don’t want to feel this anymore Read More »
Does being pregnant give me a pass for being a little bit more emotional lately? Yes? Okay, good. Let’s get started then. I have therapy tonight, for the first time in over a week due to spring break. Usually, I have therapy twice a week. On Tuesday’s and Friday’s. I hate breaks. It’s never good
A case study on myself for therapy Read More »
Oh, avoidance. The hot button word of my life lately. I’m pretty sure it’s in my top 5 of skills mastered, right alongside sarcasm and “not giving a shit”. Avoidance is…basically the only way I know how to deal with hard things. I don’t think I’ve ever learned anything other than that, and it’s honestly
When avoidance no longer serves you Read More »
I think I’ve come to the conclusion that therapy is just something I’m probably never going to understand. It went…well? Last night? I think? I mean, it seemed like it did…but lately, it’s been so confusing and complicated and just…I don’t know. It seems like up until the last month, everything about therapy and her
Is it possible to learn to be vulnerable? Read More »
I wish I felt good enough. I wish I felt like you cared. I’m sorry that ever went away. I wish I felt like I wasn’t so alone. Like I had someone on my side, helping me find my footing. I wish things didn’t turn to shit when they did. And I wish last night
You, me, your friends, your family…that one person who you think is so epically flawless and put together….Every single one of us struggle. Yes, some more than others, but at times, all of us. No one is immune to it. No one skates through this life without collecting their own set of scars and cuts
We all fall down sometimes Read More »
Sometimes, things just hurt so much, that there’s nothing I can do or say that could even make sense. There aren’t enough adequate words to apply to how I’m feeling, so it just doesn’t seem right to even try. That’s how I feel right now. Everything hurts, and there aren’t the right words for it.
When it hurts too much for words Read More »
I do a lot of fighting. Fighting for my kids. For their medical needs to be met and exceeded. Fighting for my family, my husband…fighting for all the people in my life who can’t always fight for themselves in the moment. I’ve been a fighter my entire life. Every day of my existence is a
