When your motivation is like the weather, you can probably count on exactly nothing to have a significant or lasting change. According to the dictionary, motivation is described as: the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way. It can also be defined as: the general desire or willingness of someone to […]
Motivation like the weather Read More »
I feel like I’m in a helpless battle right now. A fight that I cannot win. And despite my own best efforts and incredible fight against these demons, I’m not coming out on top. Fear is winning. Insecurity is winning. Addiction is winning. I don’t know exactly what the most defining shift was, but I
My world feels like nothing right now. Yet, it feels impossibly heavy all at the same time. And that’s something that has always confused me. How can something be so nothing, and yet so damn everything all at once? How can it mean so much to me, and at the same time…so nothing to the
Why do I feel so nothing? Read More »
Confidence is fleeting. Nothing more than a moment trying to convince you of your successes. Your potential successes. It’s great, it feels amazing…it makes you feel like you actually can do it. Confidence is the ingredient most integral to success. It really is. Until it’s gone. Until you’re triggered, until there’s nothing left. Drink significantly
As always, therapy last night sure was something. I wasn’t bad. But it made me think about things. We talked a lot about being more mindful and more intentional, which, in my current state of ADHD actually kicking my ass, has been QUITE challenging lately. We talked about the drinking thing. And how I need
The power of suggestion? Read More »
I have to be real for a second here. Even more so than I have to be, I want to be. A few weeks ago, maybe early-mid June, I realized….my birthday was coming up. And it was one of those birthdays. A milestone birthday, if you will. 30. And it was then. In that moment.
Last chance for honesty Read More »
I hate myself for what I cannot do on my own. And I’m hurt that I’ve voiced, expressed, and even somewhat pleaded my desire to get sober. Or at least get back to my baseline. Because the rate at which I’m drinking far more than my agreed upon “stable and average” is increasing dangerously fast.
I’m ready to be done. I’m asking for help. I’ve said it boldly twice now. To two different people. I don’t want to drink anymore. It’s killing me. On the good side nights, on the bad nights. I’m not the one in control anymore. And I’m ready to stop. At least for today, that’s my
Me, every morning waking up after another long night – I’m ready to be sober. I don’t want to keep doing this. It’s killing me. Me, every night at around 7:30pm – Alcohol is all I have. I could never be sober. Why? Why does it have to be so hard? How can I be
Impossible and opposing thoughts Read More »
Sometimes, things get bad enough that you can’t ignore it anymore. You see the red flags, you know they’re coming…but are you strong enough (or smart enough) to stop it? I feel like I’m marching amongst a parade of red flags, laughing silently behind their backs that they won’t catch me. They won’t drag me
