I’m a monster made from madness. Created, not born. You don’t become what I’ve become under circumstances you’d consider ideal. It took a lot to get me here…not a day lived “normally” in any of my 28 years. Abuse, pain, no protection, no love or safety or feelings of home… Just fear, abandonment, and isolation. …
I don’t know what today holds, but I know it will consist of self care and listening to my body. I’ve been physically and mentally exhausted, and I am running on empty. I’m 23 weeks pregnant today, and I’m feeling it every second. Today, if I need to sleep, I will sleep. If I need …
Oh, therapy. You guys aren’t sick of hearing me talk about that yet, are you? 🙃 So…how did it go last night? Is what I’m sure you’re all wondering. Well, truthfully, so am I. I might be totally off base here, but I think, it’s possible, that it might have gone well. Or at least…it …
Another “oh, therapy” post…but it’s not what you think. Read More »
That’s the question that is typically on my mind as I drive to therapy. Like, I made it through another few days, another week, and I didn’t think I would. Are you proud of me? Sometimes I wish I could talk about these things, about how much I don’t want to be alive sometimes. But …
“Are you impressed every time I show up not dead?” Read More »
This is…a hard one for me to talk about. I thought about writing it, but I know I’d be less…calculated, and more raw…and while normally that’s a good thing, that’s not what I want when it comes to this topic. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to hit the publish button once this is …
Does significant trauma bring permanent changes? Read More »
Okay, guys. Real talk for a minute here. I don’t fucking understand CBT. Like, I straight up, just do not get it. It frustrates me, it feels like something I already do naturally and on my on a continuous, daily basis, and I don’t see how it could ever help me and my very large, …
One of the things that I struggle with is anticipatory grief. Basically, it’s the feelings of grief occurring before the loss, or whatever hardship it is coming up. It’s a valid thing, and it’s real, but it sucks. Yesterday, in therapy, I guess we focused a bit on that. With my birth sons birthday coming …
Lately, I find myself feeling very down about myself. I just don’t feel good about anything. I don’t like how I feel, I don’t like how I’m acting because of it…and I don’t know. It just leaves me feeling really pretty worthless and like I have no value..nothing to offer. I guess it feels like …
I’ve always…very quietly, and very under the radar, struggled with weight gain. As in, it’s something I hate doing, and therefor don’t. My BMI typically hangs out around 18 or 19. And while I don’t go to extreme measures to keep it that way (anymore), I actively make food choices to support a “healthier” lifestyle. …
There are things more Important than your weight Read More »
I had honestly hoped, as shitty as the situation was, that things could eventually become.. better. I thought things could…possibly one day resemble some sort of normalcy. Although I knew I might never forgive you, I tried to convince myself that maybe I could try. Because regardless of the shit that you did to me …