I’m just here to say that while it usually takes me 5-6 days to go through a large bottle of 94 proof, very strong liquor… It’s now been 6 days since I’ve had any drink of any kind. You might get sick of me saying it, but shit. That’s a big deal for me. And […]
A different kind of 6 days Read More »
I don’t have anything poetic or productive to say today other than how I feel. I’m still feeling pretty crappy from the other day. The weight of the world has caught up to me, I guess. And I’m just feeling rather alone and broken. I literally feel heavy. Like even the most simple tasks are
When a sign isn’t really a sign, but maybe it is? Read More »
There’s a very real possibility that within the next few weeks, I will absolutely (temporarily) become the very the worst version of myself. As of this moment, I have not got more than…25?hours sober in…years. I’ve pushed, I’ve tried, I’ve extended the zone…but let’s be real. It’s been years since I’ve ever been more than
“Please love me through it” Read More »
I’ve always been a writer. Even going as far back as elementary school, I’ve always gravitated towards writing to communicate my feelings. I had…a rather intense childhood, and it’s not something I like to think about or relive. Since we’re going to be starting EMDR in therapy soon…I’m kind of going to be forced to
Reconnecting with my past Read More »
I feel like I’m losing my voice. I’m struggling with what to say, what to write, or even what to feel. I feel so broken and useless. I’m pushing people away and shutting down. It’s the worst place to be in. I hate this feeling..the feeling of losing my voice and my identity. The only
It’s hard to live in a contradictory world. Parts of it will cheer you on, agree with your stance and viewpoint. While others will surely massacre you for it. How dare you think that way, how dare you act that way. You’ll never be able to win in a world that wants you to lose.
Contradictory world Read More »
I’m okay….but I’m not. I’m fighting…but all I want to do is quit. I want to die…but I can’t give up. I want you, but I don’t. Please go away. Why did you leave? Don’t you know that I fucking need you??? No one loves me. I’m a cancer. I’m a fuck up. I’ll never
Alright guys. This is a hard one for me. If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you might know a bit about my sister. For those of you that don’t know, my “sister” is essentially the bane of my existence. She is 9 years older than me, and has literally tortured and abused me
Let’s talk about Forgiveness Read More »
Happy Saturday, everyone! Oh, it has been a looooong week. My son is still pretty sick, and last nigh was rough for him. He was crying in his bed every few minutes “mommy, I need a tissue again, open the door!” He refuses to let me leave anything different or new in his bed. I
Giving myself a (much needed) break Read More »
Loss. It’s the only thing that we really can’t convince ourselves doesn’t exist, that it isn’t real. Pain can be subjective. We can downplay it, ignore it, tell ourselves that “its not that bad”, or even “well, maybe it just didn’t even happen”. We can doubt our feelings, our experiences, or listen to the words
