Sometimes I don’t know how to stop the sadness. It feels too big, too consuming. It almost feels cyclical. There are times of the day where I seem to always feel worse. In the morning, after my husband leaves for work and I’m left with facing the day alone. After I put the kids to […]
How to stop the sadness Read More »
Dear #1, Tonight is not a special night. It’s not a birthday, not an anniversary, not a momentous night by any means. But it is you who occupies my mind tonight. To be honest, you occupy my mind nearly always. But I don’t often allow the thoughts of you to grow. Thinking of you causes
I wrote half a post earlier. I didn’t like it. I wrote in my book shortly after. I didn’t like that either. Tonight was a lot. My husband came with me to therapy and we only got home an hour ago. I feel everything and I don’t know where to even begin. Apparently, I’ve tried
Too much to say, too much to feel. Read More »
I woke up this morning unsure of what the day would look like. It’s a Wednesday, typically my busiest day with the most appointments and therapies, but today we have nothing. We can go at our own pace, I don’t have to time naps or plan to leave the house at a certain time for
Today is a new day Read More »
Vulnerability. A seemingly forever ongoing topic. How to be real, how to feel, how to show feeling. Our conversations are often led with sarcasm at the forefront, my most famous defense. Feeling has never been safe, and talking about feelings had always led to danger for me. Tonight was easy. It wasn’t significant (except it
An exercise in vulnerability Read More »
My therapist rarely asks me to do anything outside of session, but when she does, it usually involves writing. Yesterday during my session, we were talking about EMDR and how when we tried it a few weeks ago, my brain fought it so hard that we pretty much got nowhere. We haven’t tried it again
“Why do you go to therapy?” Read More »
Often times in my life, the harder things get, the more I pull back. It can feel like I don’t know what to say, or that I don’t know how to say it, so I just don’t. I withdraw, even from myself. I get into this rut, and it’s so hard to crawl out of.
When writing is hard, keep writing Read More »
Sometimes, something happens in your life that is so big, so painful, so thought consuming…whatever it is, it’s huge. To you, it feels like everything. It could be an anniversary, a traumatic event, a breakup, a loss, whatever it is, to you, it’s everything. It feels like the biggest thing in the world. When it
When you question how the Earth is still spinning Read More »
It’s usually at night, once the alcohol starts reclaiming its all to familiar home within my body, that my brain allows itself to wander. To feel, just for a moment. “Tell someone”. My head is screaming at me to tell someone. Tell my husband. Tell my friends. Tell literally anyone. Sometimes I think one drink
“Tell someone, anyone” Read More »
Sometimes something happens, and it leaves you feeling helpless, or scared, or however you’re feeling. For me, sometimes it feels like the world is just way too big. Like I don’t know what to do next, or there is just too much to do, or too many stressors. I don’t know how to explain it
When the world feels too big, make it smaller. Read More »
