What if it just stopped? All the pain, all the anger, all the unfairness…what if it just went away? Lately I look around and despite how hard I’m trying, all I can see is darkness and pain. I’m frustrated and hurt. Nothing is really “wrong”, except that it is. I can’t feel loved, despite being […]
As the title states….yeah. I just have no idea. Tomorrow I’ll have more more collected (sober?) thoughts. But for tonight… My husband came to therapy again tonight. We’ve been “sunshine and rainbows” this past week after shit seemed to hit the fan last week. Very typical of our relationship….ebbs and flows. It’s more often good
Let me be frank. Shit got Weird Saturday night. And not in a good way. As some of you might know, there have been a few times over the past couple of months that I have been sexually assaulted, with the worst offense being (raped but I really hate that word so I would really
I wrote half a post earlier. I didn’t like it. I wrote in my book shortly after. I didn’t like that either. Tonight was a lot. My husband came with me to therapy and we only got home an hour ago. I feel everything and I don’t know where to even begin. Apparently, I’ve tried
Too much to say, too much to feel. Read More »
Today has been a weird day. I had 2 hour therapy (for me) this morning, which went well, or at least I think it did. But ever since then, I’ve had this heavy and lingering feeling of anxiety. I don’t know what caused it, and I don’t know why I feel so bad…but I just
Anxiety out of nowhere Read More »
I woke up this morning unsure of what the day would look like. It’s a Wednesday, typically my busiest day with the most appointments and therapies, but today we have nothing. We can go at our own pace, I don’t have to time naps or plan to leave the house at a certain time for
Today is a new day Read More »
Vulnerability. A seemingly forever ongoing topic. How to be real, how to feel, how to show feeling. Our conversations are often led with sarcasm at the forefront, my most famous defense. Feeling has never been safe, and talking about feelings had always led to danger for me. Tonight was easy. It wasn’t significant (except it
An exercise in vulnerability Read More »
Hello anxiety. Today you took root and didn’t let go. A simple (permanent) change in my schedule was enough to cause physical panic. Tomorrow begins a new therapy schedule, Friday mornings (and Tuesday evenings), but it threw me off more than I’d care to admit. I was short tempered, I was panicked, I was feeling
My therapist rarely asks me to do anything outside of session, but when she does, it usually involves writing. Yesterday during my session, we were talking about EMDR and how when we tried it a few weeks ago, my brain fought it so hard that we pretty much got nowhere. We haven’t tried it again
“Why do you go to therapy?” Read More »
The therapists in my life, both mine and my kids, I consider to be an extension of our family. I’ve been with my therapist for 6 years, and all of our other therapists for my kids (PT, OT, speech, etc) have been in our lives for about 4 years now, since my oldest son started
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything Read More »