I try not to write when I’m in an active state of being upset, because honestly, no one wants to hear about that. Or at least, that’s what I assume. (I’m not good enough, no one cares, so change yourself.) I’ll feel what I feel and try to stuff it down. I’ll wait until later […]
Hello again, alcohol. I did well these past few days with less of you, but I knew it was a temporary fix. Why would I need to drink when literally in “the happiest place on earth”? I had no need to. Not that one ever has a “need” for alcohol…but still. I drank to sleep,
The curse and comfort of alcohol Read More »
Oh, my poor brother. He’s sharing a room with my husband and I for the first few days while we are on vacation (normally he lives in another state), and I’m not sure he knew what he was getting himself into. My husband knows this, he’s adapted, but my brother? Not so much. See, I
Don’t share a room with an insomniac Read More »
I feel like a broken soul. Too damaged to be fixed. Too lost for hope to find its way back to. Another night alone with too much alcohol. The only presence capable to dull this enormous pain. I want to be done, but I can’t be. I want to cry, but I can’t. If I
Well crap. If that isn’t a handful, I don’t know what is. They feed off each other. They exist to torture me. I see no point for them to be exist otherwise. Combine all of that with loneliness? And you’ve got the hot mess express, ticket for one, rolling in real quick. You’d think drinking
Alcohol, insomnia, and nightmares. Read More »
Hello anxiety. Today you took root and didn’t let go. A simple (permanent) change in my schedule was enough to cause physical panic. Tomorrow begins a new therapy schedule, Friday mornings (and Tuesday evenings), but it threw me off more than I’d care to admit. I was short tempered, I was panicked, I was feeling
It’s not a secret that I’m struggling. I feel completely alone and vulnerable and just crappy. Last night was rough. My husband had anxieties that I could feel, but he didn’t communicate them with me until after I was already affected by it. He later did, but the fact that he lied about it in
Late at night, after admittedly too many drinks…I feel everything. I feel everything I’m afraid to feel during the day. I feel what I hide, what I shut down, what I convince myself just isn’t worth feeling. But it’s there. And it is worth feeling. It demands to be felt. It resurfaces constantly. Every single
Do nights bring out the worst in me? Or are they just more honest? Read More »
It’s usually at night, once the alcohol starts reclaiming its all to familiar home within my body, that my brain allows itself to wander. To feel, just for a moment. “Tell someone”. My head is screaming at me to tell someone. Tell my husband. Tell my friends. Tell literally anyone. Sometimes I think one drink
“Tell someone, anyone” Read More »
It’s been a while since you’ve waken me this abruptly, with images so vivid I question their reality. It’s been a few days since I’ve sat awake at 2am lonely and afraid to close my eyes again. Usually I dull you, nightmares. Usually I drink you into silence. I suppose I fell asleep too early
