Sometimes, nights have no business being as good as they are. Like tonight, for instance. Last night, my husband got the news that his dad, who has been on hospice battling many forms of cancer, had less than 2 months to live. His throat cancer had returned (on top of the liver and colon cancer), […]
Hard, but not broken. And worth it anyway. Read More »
I have had a bad few days. A really, incredibly, fucked up few days. I thought therapy would go well tonight, and honestly, if I had kept my fucking mouth shut, it would have. It would’ve been fine. But I tried to open up. And every single fucking time I do that, when shit gets
Sometimes, the best therapy sessions require not so many words. She knows me well enough to know the big things. How I’m feeling without having to explain why I feel this way. The history is significant enough to where I can tell her the facts, and I don’t need to explain the emotions. We sat
Word count isn’t everything, but real connection is. Read More »
Trust is such a…powerful word, which holds quite a bit of meaning and weight. Questions like who I can trust, what can I trust them with…and what does it even mean to trust? Do I even have it in me? Do I posses the capability to allow myself to trust another person? Give them the
What does it take to trust? Read More »
Vulnerability. A seemingly forever ongoing topic. How to be real, how to feel, how to show feeling. Our conversations are often led with sarcasm at the forefront, my most famous defense. Feeling has never been safe, and talking about feelings had always led to danger for me. Tonight was easy. It wasn’t significant (except it
An exercise in vulnerability Read More »
My therapist rarely asks me to do anything outside of session, but when she does, it usually involves writing. Yesterday during my session, we were talking about EMDR and how when we tried it a few weeks ago, my brain fought it so hard that we pretty much got nowhere. We haven’t tried it again
“Why do you go to therapy?” Read More »
Tomorrow evening, I will once again have to face the person who sexually assaulted me a few weeks ago. Due to the nature of who this person is, it is impossible to simply remove myself from their life, from their presence. It is an ongoing situation that I am still desperately trying to find safety
The time has come for more honest conversations Read More »
I thought it would be okay. It thought it wouldn’t happen again. But it did, and it happened worse. He touched me, he kissed me, he assaulted me. He put his hands on me. Under my clothes…inside me. These are not unclear circumstances, and I am not okay. If I was unclear before, if I
He assaulted me again, and tonight I am not unclear. Read More »
I am not a person that likes to feel things, show emotion, let my guard down…any of that good stuff. Admittedly, it hasn’t proven to be the best method, but I’m working with what I’ve got. My life experiences have left me pretty hardened and cynical, but that doesn’t always serve me. For example, as
Vulnerability in therapy Read More »
Some nights feel too heavy. Some nights feel to dark, too lonely. It’s not the nights that are the sole problem. The nights are a reflection of the days. Rarely in my life have I felt as I did this week, these past few weeks. I don’t want this, the burden, the loneliness. Sometimes I
When you just need a hug Read More »