Things have been one huge mess of chaos here for the past 2 weeks. And with the already massive stress of the holidays and all that that is, I didn’t exactly needed to add any more onto my plate. Last week, Phoenix, my 6 year old, stayed home for most of the week with a […]
There is so little in my life that I have a say in. That I can influence. Or sway. Or…control. My life is…largely…out my of hands. People abusing you. Raping you. Hurting you. People thinking they can do whatever it is that they want to you. To hurt you. Because…I don’t matter. Only they do.
Control? Yeah, sure. Read More »
My best friend saved my life last night. I’m sure that sounds dramatic. I’m sure that sounds extra. But I assure you, it’s really not. I wasn’t in danger from myself. I’m doing just fine. My emotions and my…all of that…is truly doing just fine. But at some point last night…I started to feel unsafe.
When your best friend saves your life Read More »
Me – “Things have been differently lately. Haven’t you felt the shift?” Husband – “Yeah, you’ve said ‘no’ more” “No, I always say ‘no’. That isn’t it.” “Why do you always so ‘no’?” “Because for my entire life, it never mattered if I said it. If I said no, it happened anyway. It didn’t matter.
“No”. Does it mean anything? Read More »
Okay. Here we go. Something happened, and I don’t know how to talk about it. But before we go any further, if you’re here reading this and asking yourself “is she talking about the thing that happened with that person last year?” The answer is no, that is not what I’m talking about here. Honestly,
Unspoken or unspeakable? Read More »
There are things I can’t talk about. Topics that hurt too much…things that are too hurtful, too painful…too personal. Topics that, if I were to write a blog post about it, would be titled “ sexual aggression”. There are things I’ve wanted to talk about in therapy that I just…haven’t been able to. Things that
Things I can’t talk about Read More »
Well, I won’t lie, I’m really struggling today. I don’t know if it’s the effects of not having therapy this week, of it just being an incredibly long week, or just life catching up to me in general…. But I feel like complete shit. I think something really triggering happened this morning too, and although
Ma’am, take a step back please. Read More »
My birthday is next Friday, which I’m honesty a little bit excited for. I very sarcastically make a big deal out of my birthday every year and hope my husband comes through in making me feel special. Honestly, he usually does a pretty good job. It just feels like the one and only day of
It’s July! And all that that means…. Read More »
I came inside to get away from you. I needed a break from the evening, from you. You’d been relentless, and I knew I needed to get away. I came into my house, into my room, and hid in the bathroom. I guess for a few minutes too long. You texted me, but I didn’t
Puddles on the floor Read More »
Tonight, much to my surprise, I will be put in exactly the same situation I found myself in a year ago. With “visitors” in my own home, in my space, invited by someone other than me. The person who sexually assaulted and raped me multiple times over the course of the last year is coming
I hope you don’t hear from me tonight. Read More »
