Things have been…ugly bad lately. Summer home with all 3 kids has been impossible. And it’s only been 2 weeks. It’s my oldest in particular that’s challenging me the most. He’s struggling with the transition between school and summer, and he’s reflecting in his behavior. I’m doing the best I can with it, but I’m […]
An unwanted struggle Read More »
For as different as things have been feeling lately…I think things are finally starting to fall into place a little bit. The out of the ordinary is starting to feel ordinary, the things not normally part of my day are starting to feel like a normal part of every day now, and the weird is
Keep trying, keep going, keep fighting Read More »
This is a post for accountability. Things have been hard. Obviously. But I’ve been sober. Mostly. I’ve done a job worthy of being insanely proud of. After 15 years of more or less active (alcohol) addiction, I dug myself out, alone, and got myself sober. It was grueling and excruciating. It hurt. Physically, emotionally, and
I don’t want to go backwards Read More »
Do you know what happens when you open up a pressure cooker without first releasing the pressure? Well, if you don’t, here’s what happens. “The contents will erupt violently, potentially causing serious burns, injuries, and property damage.” Thaaaaaaaats how I felt last night. And honestly, how I am still feeling now. Like I was opened
Emotions like a pressure cooker Read More »
This past week has truly been…unfathomable. It’s been hard. And heartbreaking. And lonely, and brutal, and so on. I’ve been shut down. Because any alternative has honestly been too much to consider. I feel broken and…yeah. Just broken. I had therapy tonight after a truly horrific day. While I don’t yet have the words or
My depression right now currently does not care about me. Not about what I need, not about what I want, and not about how I feel. It doesn’t care if I isolate myself to the point of not existing anymore. It doesn’t care if the pain inside of my head and my hurt make me
Depression doesn’t care Read More »
The past 6 days have honestly been the most wild whirlwind of events and roller coasters that I’ve experienced in quite some time. Okay, here’s the deal. It’s March. Which means, it’s birthday month. Technically, yes. My birth son’s birthday is in April…April 4th. But the entire lead up to it is in March, which
Ready to fight, almost ready to hope. Read More »
Lately, the hurt hurts. And it hurts really fucking badly. I feel like I don’t have even the most fleeting of moments to catch my breath. To catch up. To…..nullify or lessen even an ounce of the hurt. The days are so long, and the nights have felt even longer. Nightmare, after nightmare, after nightmare.
I just need a second Read More »
I’m definitely in a good bit of a funk right now. I’m hanging in there and doing the best that I can, but I can honestly say that I’m not where I want to be right now mentally. The weather is changing, it’s warming up…which means more stress on my heart and in my body
The lows will happen sometimes Read More »
I can’t help but feeling and thinking about just how vastly different things are now than how they were even just 5-6 months ago. Last night, I had therapy. Not with my therapist who I’ve had for literally the past 10 years straight of my life…but with someone extremely new, when you’re measuring it to
Trusting the process Read More »
