Today was most of what I hoped it would be. A perfectly overcast, gloomy, quiet day (mostly) to myself. A day I wish I could repeat over and over again. The hours went quickly and the day ended as fast as it began. That isn’t usually how my days go. They are usually filled with […]
The dark side of a “good day” Read More »
Oh, hello there, darkness. It’s you and I, once again. Why do we always meet up here? On these quiet, dreadful evenings. It’s Friday, thank God, and this week has been… Well, let’s not mince words. This week has been absolute shit. For so many more reasons than one. I’m glad I’m still here….I know
Darkness, tonight you do not win. Read More »
Therapy was fine. It was good. I almost felt things. The issue came when a half hour before it was over, my husband texted me. He had a headache before I left, but it was small. 2 hours later, it had developed into “severe”. We all know what that means. My worst nights are the
She told me not to write, so I’m not going to. Read More »
Tonight you won. Really, your battle began this morning. I’m wiped, I’m exhausted, and I’m hurt. So this will be short. I struggle to defeat you. It feels laughable to even consider it a possibility. Defeat may not, may never be a choice…..but perhaps an occasional victory could be? Tomorrow I’ll face the physical demons
Dear alcohol and the one who thinks he owns me, Read More »
Another night, alone in the dark with nothing but my thoughts and a full glass. It was a night of heavy emotions from the start. Anxiety sparked the evening. Love attempted healed it. But then it ignited once again, full force this time. Threatened with the possibility of an evening alone while he sleeps…of spending
Without anger, anxiety quickly turns to sadness. Read More »
Tolerance is a funny thing with many different meanings and uses. Usually, tolerance is a good thing. Our ability to withstand a situation or experience. How patient we may be, how much we can accept, put up with…how long until we crack. Like I said, it’s usually the desired effect. Then there’s the other side.
As tolerance increases, tolerance decreases. Read More »
Today I’m exhausted, more exhausted than usual. I had therapy early this morning. It was only for 1 hour, and it honestly wasn’t very difficult today. But I left there feeling even more exhausted. Even though if doesn’t feel hard, I think the mental load of what we’ve been doing is actually taking a larger
When emotion doesn’t want to be accessed Read More »
I owe you an apology. Probably more than one. While you have certainly had your share of flaws and missteps along the way…this post is not about that. This past year…really the past 2 years now…have been the ugliest of my life. They’ve been brutal. You’ve seen the worst of me, you’ve picked me up
Dear Husband, I’m sorry for the past year. Read More »
Good morning, Saturday. I’m glad you’re finally here. Although truthfully, I’m never quite sure what to do with you. This morning I woke up and my husband already knew it, that you and I needed the day together. So without even asking, he took the kids out and will entertain them for the next few
Don’t mess up the weekend Read More »
Does this happen to anyone else? I could be sitting there, attempting to drown out the noise from the universe around me…trying to convince myself that I’m fine. That everything is fine. But then randomly, my face betrays me and starts leaking. (Damn allergies.) I’m just in the middle of watching a show, drinking my
