Tonight has been one trigger after another, after another. It doesn’t matter what the fuck the cause was. Or the result, or the aftermath. Or even the aftermath of the aftermath. Because it was all wrong. And it was all fucked up. Be it the events of the week (my appointment with my neuromuscular doc […]
Damn. I hate phases of life like this. Where the dark feels impermeable, the hope is completely nonexistent, and the way out doesn’t seem to exist. I’ve been lying and bullshitting my way through the days these past few weeks. Showing up and trying to shove the depression monster down. But at night, it just
Depression Monster Read More »
Here way are, on the 3rd day of a brand new year. A year which, according to THE DIME I got in my piece of New Years cake I got, should be my luckiest year yet. (And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, second half of this post from last year describes the
…in with the good? Read More »
Well, I did it. I finished the, at this point infamous and tedious gift, of 6 painstakingly handmade crocheted gifts for my birth son, got it off in the mail, and it’s set to arrive tomorrow…just in time for Christmas. I also wanted to include a picture of us holding all the items, so we
The burden is lifted Read More »
Yesterday was much the epic crash and burn that I anticipated it would be. If you read my post from last night, yesterday just…was one of those bad day bad days. And it was absolutely exhausting both physically and mentally. It ended much in the same fashion, I crashed and burned, wanted to go to
Not at the finish line yet Read More »
Sometimes…the conversations that hit the hardest are quick, short lived, and completely unexpected. It’s around 10pm. It’s a typical night here, and I’ve made a few drinks according to my specific plan and routine I have for myself. I made a drink, but left it across the room. A few minutes later, I was looking
Real conversations when you need them the most Read More »
The world is loud right now. It’s screaming and chaos and thunder. Nothing is easy. Nothing makes sense. Foreign is the only familiar thing. And if that sentence makes no damn sense to you, then you’re reading it exactly right. I don’t know how to make sense of my ever changing, loud, chaotic and fucked
Loud, chaotic, unpredictable Read More »
Buckle up friends, things are about to get even more spicy around here. If you’ve been hanging around here for any length of time, you know that there are a small number of things that have a pretty significant impact on my mental health. The first and most important factor being the strength of my
What, you thought it couldn’t get any spicier? Read More »
Just like that, all the “anger” fell way to massive self loathing and a pretty horrific depression. The dam broke, and all of the tape and glue holding me together for the past week just… came undone. And I realized that everything I’ve always thought about myself is exactly as true as I thought it
True emotions show eventually Read More »
Confidence is fleeting. Nothing more than a moment trying to convince you of your successes. Your potential successes. It’s great, it feels amazing…it makes you feel like you actually can do it. Confidence is the ingredient most integral to success. It really is. Until it’s gone. Until you’re triggered, until there’s nothing left. Drink significantly
