It’s another miserable night. Sitting alone in the bathroom with a drink in hand, struggling to make the right choices. I feel like shit. Do I deserve it? Is he wrong? Does he care? Each drink tells me a different story. One more and I’m right. Another and I’m a piece of shit. Deserving only […]
Oh, my poor brother. He’s sharing a room with my husband and I for the first few days while we are on vacation (normally he lives in another state), and I’m not sure he knew what he was getting himself into. My husband knows this, he’s adapted, but my brother? Not so much. See, I
Don’t share a room with an insomniac Read More »
Well crap. If that isn’t a handful, I don’t know what is. They feed off each other. They exist to torture me. I see no point for them to be exist otherwise. Combine all of that with loneliness? And you’ve got the hot mess express, ticket for one, rolling in real quick. You’d think drinking
Alcohol, insomnia, and nightmares. Read More »
Sometimes I miss him so much. I don’t know how it’s possible to miss someone who sleeps 6 inches away from me, but sometimes I am just really missing that deep emotional connection. Nothing is “wrong”, our relationship is more or less solid, but I just feel so alone sometimes. We can be together…but not
My husband took my kids to the park the other day. While they were there, there was one other boy with his mom. If you don’t know, both of my boys have a very rare form of muscular dystrophy, and have a variety of medical equipment for each of them. The boy at the park
Your kids wins are your wins too Read More »
There is nothing better than a stormy day. I love the rain. I love the coziness it brings and the deep thoughts that go with it. My husband called in sick from work today, something he never does. But today we just decided we really needed a day for us. This weekend was rough. It
Rainy mornings and sick days Read More »
It’s not a secret that I’m struggling. I feel completely alone and vulnerable and just crappy. Last night was rough. My husband had anxieties that I could feel, but he didn’t communicate them with me until after I was already affected by it. He later did, but the fact that he lied about it in
Late at night, after admittedly too many drinks…I feel everything. I feel everything I’m afraid to feel during the day. I feel what I hide, what I shut down, what I convince myself just isn’t worth feeling. But it’s there. And it is worth feeling. It demands to be felt. It resurfaces constantly. Every single
Do nights bring out the worst in me? Or are they just more honest? Read More »
That’s it. That’s all I have to say for now. Life is freaking hard. And it’s painful. And it’s often times confusing as hell to navigate. I often have no idea what I’m doing. Because this crap is hard. I often question whether or not it’s supposed to be this difficult, but that really doesn’t
Sometimes, something happens in your life that is so big, so painful, so thought consuming…whatever it is, it’s huge. To you, it feels like everything. It could be an anniversary, a traumatic event, a breakup, a loss, whatever it is, to you, it’s everything. It feels like the biggest thing in the world. When it
When you question how the Earth is still spinning Read More »
