10:09pm (oh, side note, this series of events usually takes place closer to 12am. Tonight was early for sure. That’s why he was so excited about the actual prospect of it.) Me: I want to go to bed. Husband: Great! Let’s put the bed down and get cozy and we’ll go to bed! Me: No…I […]
The nightly journey of an insomniac: Read More »
This is currently the story of my life. Everything can be going…as fine as it can be, I guess, but then the same thing happens nearly every night during the rough phases. My husband wants to go to sleep. I usually agree, because I’m exhausted. But then I start procrastinating, avoiding it at all costs.
When the nights force you to feel the pain you desperately try to avoid… Read More »
Oh, hello there, darkness. It’s you and I, once again. Why do we always meet up here? On these quiet, dreadful evenings. It’s Friday, thank God, and this week has been… Well, let’s not mince words. This week has been absolute shit. For so many more reasons than one. I’m glad I’m still here….I know
Darkness, tonight you do not win. Read More »
I’m struggling right now. I’m fighting to be okay, I’m trying to be strong, to be solid…to just be okay. But I’m failing. I’m questioning everything. My soul is screaming to just be done. I’ve been strong long enough, but I’m not strong enough for this. I’ve used it all up. My days consist of
Therapy was fine. It was good. I almost felt things. The issue came when a half hour before it was over, my husband texted me. He had a headache before I left, but it was small. 2 hours later, it had developed into “severe”. We all know what that means. My worst nights are the
She told me not to write, so I’m not going to. Read More »
My brain and my body, the physical vs the mental. Always at war, fighting with the other. My body is usually the one telling my brain to slow down, it’s usually the smart one. It reads our signals, our pain, and let’s us know it’s time to pay attention. Something I’m just not good at
The Physical vs. the Mental Read More »
When you ask me how I am, and I tell you that “I’m fine, I always am”. Do you hear the sarcasm masking my screams of agony? When you ask if I’m okay (if you even ever do) and I give a snarky smirk and response of “hah. Of course I’m fine.” Do you ever
I wonder if you hear me Read More »
Pain doesn’t go away. It doesn’t ever stop. At best, it changes. It doesn’t go anywhere…it waits patiently. Silently and boldly waiting to be addressed. Waiting for it’s time to be seen. Patiently knowing it’s time will come. Pain hides itself in the shadows, waiting for its moment to make itself known. It will be
Pain hides in the shadows, waiting for it’s moment. Read More »
Here we are again. A night resembling so many others. Loneliness is the enemy. Self doubt and fear is the company. Alcohol is the constant….is the welcomed familiar. Alcohol is the mute button. Good ole Kraken. Coming to save to day. Or ruin it. Depending on perspective, of course. I say I’ll have one drink.
Pour another drink. No, I meant one more. No really, just one more. Okay, maybe another. Read More »
It’s just past 7pm. My husband got home from work an hour ago, and he is already in bed trying to sleep. It happens often. He’ll get a migraine and just be dead to the world sleeping until it goes away. I get it. It sucks for him. But it’s also pretty miserable for me.
An uncomfortably familiar night. Read More »
